I’m over at Alamo City Moms Blog reminding you to slow down, there is no finish line.
The moment she feels her baby move inside her womb, she imagines the life her child will have.
She tries to picture the precious face of her baby and what color her hair will be.
She can’t wait to give birth, to get through the pregnancy and let her new life begin.
The mother-to-be rubs her belly, sighs, and says out loud, “Mom, I just want it to be over. Am I going to be pregnant forever? I can’t wait to finally have this baby!”
Her mom takes her by the hand and gently whispers, “Slow down, sweet girl; it’s not a race. There is no finish line.”
She’s exhausted from long nights and short naps and can’t remember the last time she slept for more than a few hours at a time.
The laundry is piled up, and the sink is full of dishes.
She plops herself in the glider, lifts her shirt, and begins to feed her newborn.
While her baby quietly breastfeeds for the millionth time that day, she twirls one of her daughter’s curls around her finger.
She sighs and thinks, This can’t be what my life is all about. When will she sleep through the night? I can’t wait until she’s able to walk and talk!
Then she recalls her mom’s gentle whisper: “Slow down; it’s not a race. There is no finish line.”
There Is No Finish Line
My daughter is probably going to get bullied when she starts middle school in 2 years. She has autism and is different from the other kids. The older they get the more obvious it becomes and middle school is a brutal time for any child. I think about it all the time and am constantly trying to figure out how to prevent it, save her, change the challenges she faces.
My other daughter is a little over a year away from entering college. I lose sleep at night worrying about her leaving the nest and being on her own. I budget our entire lives every single night trying to figure out how we’re going to afford her school.
My son starts kindergarten in a few years and I can’t decide where he will go to school. Will we keep him in the school all of our other children have gone to or will we put him in the one that’s closer to home? I try to finalize our decision every time I pass the school that’s near us…and that’s every single day.
We have a life changing event headed our way, something that will completely change our family dynamics. The change is coming, it’s out of our control, but I’ve lost hours and hours of sleep wondering how we can stop it or change it. I will myself to travel back in time and fix the moment it was broken.
In the middle of a conversation about all the possibilities of what might or might not happen in the future, my sweet friend looked me in the eyes and said “Just be where you are right now. You can be somewhere else later.”
I’m losing precious time.
I’m stealing my very own joy right out of my own hands.
I’m robbing my family of having their mom and wife be fully present.
When I take myself out of the now to worry about the maybe, I miss out on what I have right in front of me.
I’m changing my outlook today. I’m going to choose to be where I am right now. I’m going to have the courage and faith to let go and be present right now, where I am and with who I’m with .
I’m not going to let worry of the future steal the joy I have in the moments that are in my sight, in the air I’m currently filling my lungs with. I’m taking my peace back and I’m giving it to the people who are in my life right now and deserve to have the current me, not the one that’s stressing about what might be. I’m not going to miss out on the small moments that hold so much happiness. All the tiny moments combined are what form the most beautiful stained glass and I don’t want to miss a single piece of it.
We have a choice to be fully present.
We have a choice on what our attitude will reflect.
We can choose joy in the now or fear for the future.
I choose joy.
I have no idea what tomorrow holds but I know that from now on I will just be where I am right now. I can be somewhere else later.
Your Blended Family Is Going To Fail.
Being a spouse can be difficult.
Being a parent can be hard.
Finding balance in family life and doing your best to get it right is rough and takes mountains of patience.
Even trickier than all of that is trying to pull it off in a blended family.
I tried to look up statistics on blended families and it became overwhelming. What it boils down to is that about 50% of American families are blended, meaning the adults in the family have children from previous relationships.
My family is blended. Well, my family is chopped, minced, and then blended. Even though we don’t use the terms step or half, the reality is that we have step parents, step kids, step siblings, half siblings and we even have my sister who we’re raising as our daughter.
We’re the poster family for blended families.
Being a blended family is tough work. You don’t just have to figure out how to make life inside your home work, you also have to figure out a way to make life between two or more homes work. Navigating co-parenting with another family is not for the faint of heart and is another post all together.
I’d like to say we get it right all the time and that love always trumps the hard times but I’d be lying.
I’d like to say grace is always given when we tread on bumpy terrain but I’d be lying.
I’d like to say that we never doubt the choices we’ve made but sometimes none of our choice make any sense at all and I wonder how the heck we got here in the first place.
Blending families takes more than most of us are equipped with and because of that the failure rate is through the roof.
The brutal reality of it all is that your blended family is going to fail and over and over again you’ll fail at trying to make it work.
You’ll fail at never having feelings of resentment.
You’ll fail at swallowing your pride.
You’ll fail at relinquishing some control and allowing another person discipline your child.
You’ll fail at showing compassion and grace.
You’ll fail at keeping jealousy under wraps.
You’re family will fail at not being territorial inside your own home.
You’re family will fail at making love completely equal between all its members.
You’re family will fail at pretending it’s easy.
You’re family will fail at wanting to make it work.
But through all the rough spots you’ll find immense beauty.
There will be the moments where the light shines through the cracks.
There will be the moments when the broken pieces will come together to make a stained glass window where others will look through and see nothing but beauty. They’ll see all the different colors, shapes and sizes and stare in awe at how it all came together so perfectly.
There will be the times when you watch your spouse love on and parent your child as their own and it will bring up a love so deep you can’t even imagine how it contains itself inside your heart.
There will be a time when your spouse’s child kisses you and tells you that they love you and you’ll wonder how you ever lived your life without them.
There will be times when your children walk hand in hand with your spouse’s children and you’ll know that you are teaching them to love far beyond any boundaries.
Your blending family is going to fail.
They’re going to fail over and over but they’re also going to prove that love and grace can outshine any darkness.
They’re going to show others how broken things can be mended, maybe not back to the way they were but to a way that lets the light shine through the cracks and heal the hurts.
I want to say the duck face picture days are behind us but I’m not sure if that’s a safe statement yet. We still have the mouth wide open, peace sign pics but I haven’t seen a duck face pic in a while so I’m hopeful.
I’m not one for selfies. They actual freak me out and when I see my teenager take 75 selfies during the 3 minute ride to church, I completely lose my cool. She says she has to get it just perfect.
She once tried to get me in one of her selfies so I shot the camera the bird in an effort to make it unsendable (I know, I know, there’s no need for chastising comments) …it ended up being sent anyways and now she’s the kid who’s mom flipped off the camera.
Snapchat is nonstop in our house. We have two teenagers that use snapchat 26 hours a day.
What’s wrong with these kids?
How did we raise a generation of selfie taking narcissist who are constantly sending their friends pictures of themselves. I told my daughter to send something else instead of a selfie to her friends on snapchat and she looked at me like I had 2 heads. “Like what? What else would I send?”
I was speechless.
Last week one of our teens missed a week of school and ended up in the ER because she was so sick. I have no doubt that on Monday morning ,when her friends realized she wasn’t at school, they started snapchatting. I’m pretty sure they all got a selfie of my sick child with puffy eyes and pale face.
Oh my God, make it stop.
But then something strange started happening.
The first day she was home sick the doorbell rang mid-afternoon and it was one of her selfie taking friends with a milk shake for my daughter. She knew my daughter couldn’t eat because her throat was so sore so she brought her a milk shake. She drove to Sonic and spent her own money on a milkshake for my daughter. Even if it seems like the smallest act of kindness, it’s kind of huge in the teen world.
They next day the door bell rang and it was the delivery guy from Panera Bread. Her “oh my gosh mom, stop calling him my boyfriend, you’re so embarrassing” called in an order for her and had it delivered to our house. For real, this sweet young man placed a lunch order for my daughter and had it sent to our house. What? Who does that? I’m sure she snapchatted him a thank you. I called my husband to tell him he needed to step up his game because this kid just schooled him!
The following day the doorbell rang again and when I opened the door, there stood a pizza delivery guy. Her BFF (who doesn’t even live in our city) called in a pizza and had it delivered to my daughter. He handed me a personal pizza, fries and a drink and let me know that everything down to the gratuity was covered.
I called her mom later on in the day to tell her thank you and her mom had no idea that her daughter had sent mine lunch. There was no glory in it for her friend, she was simply and silently being kind.
The next day we landed in the ER and as she laid in the hospital bed I watched her phone go off nonstop with friends checking on her. I also watched her snapchat pictures of her IV, monitor, socks, and whatever else was in that room.
On the last day of the week, her “oh my gosh mom, stop calling him my boyfriend, you’re so embarrassing” and her best guy friend showed up to our house during their lunch hour with hamburgers from our favorite fast food joint. The three of them sat outside and had lunch together. They kept her company and gave her several reasons to smile after a long and isolated week.
These kids proved me wrong over and over all week-long. It was a humbling experience to say the least. Maybe all this technology, snapchat, texting and selfies aren’t making them all crazy, self-centered bullies. It’s giving them access to each other in ways that we didn’t have growing up and maybe that’s not always a bad thing. I know that sometimes social media is abused and used in hateful ways but I’ve learned this week that sometimes it’s used in the sweetest, most generous ways.
When I was growing up and friend missed a week of school due to illness we really didn’t do much about it. We might have called them from our Swatch phone after dinner to see if they were okay and if we were really cool we added a friend to the conversation by using three-way calling. But other than that we kind of just let their parents handle it and waited for them to return to school.
The instant access these kids had to each other over the week gave them the ability to show compassion to my daughter in ways we couldn’t when we were their age. It gave them ways to love on her while she was home sick. It gave them the ability to show her that they cared and that she was not only loved but she was missed. I want to call each one of their parents and tell them thank you and well done.
We don’t give this generation enough credit. These are good kids doing their best to navigate through a world that has instant access to everything and every event the moment it happens. Their lives are being played out through social media in real-time right in front of all of our faces. Teenaging is hard stuff right now but they’re actually doing a pretty good job at making it work for them.
If you have little ones and are terrified of the teen years please let me tell you that the best is yet to come. These kids are the coolest and even through their struggle in trying to figure out who they are and where they fit in, they can be surprisingly awesome. It’s so amazing watching these kids grow into compassionate and generous young adults, even if we have to see most of it via snapchat. .
If you’ve never seen redemption, this is what it looks like.
I’ve never fully understood redemption until my father took his own life. What I thought he stole from us that day turned out to be a gift.
Because he made the choice to leave us behind on that rainy Monday, this precious little girl now lives in my home.
My husband and I have been given the gift of parenting my teenage sister. We’ve been blessed with loving her through her pain and watching as the corners of her mouth gradually sneak up to her cheeks to form a smile.
Her story was set to be told by a very different narrator.
The road she traveled on was rough terrain.
But redemption came that day.
God’s redeeming my story by allowing me to parent her in the absence of our father.
God’s redeeming her story by allowing her to get a daily glimpse of our father through my eyes.
If you’ve never seen redemption, this is what it looks like.