Why I Choose To Have An Affair.

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An Affair by definition is a sexual relationship, a romantic friendship or passionate attachment between two people.

My husband and I have been married for 9 years. I’ve been having an affair for over four years now. Had I known how wonderful it was going to be I would have done it years before. I’m happier and healthy because of it and I’m not ashamed.

Many years ago I was sitting in a bible study and the man speaking told the room full of ladies “Have an affair with your husband or someone else will”. That ran through my head for days. I knew he was right but kids were tugging at my skirt, the bank account was beyond tight and both my husband and I were at our jobs more than we were in front of each other. I was tired. I put the kids first, myself and my marriage last and lost all sense of why my husband and I married each other in the first place.

In 2010 our marriage crashed like an airplane that lost both its engines mid-flight. While picking up the pieces of the wreckage we discovered our black box, the heart of the matter, the secrets of the cockpit. Through that I realized that I wasn’t a good wife. I had been a great mom, I was confident in that, but I fell extremely short in the wife department. I failed at being a good and strong wife who put her husband first and let him lead the family.

So I started having an affair.

I’m not going to lie, it took effort at first but after a while became second nature.

I began an affair with my own husband 4 years ago and it changed our lives.

We had let our marriage slip and our focus went to treading water in an effort to keep our heads up and not drown in all the hits life had for us.  So we made a choice to turn our focus back to each other and all the reasons we fell in love in the first place.  We began an affair with each other. We rebuilt our sexual relationship, romantic friendship and passionate attachment to each other.

He rubbed my back and played with my hair without me begging. We held hands everywhere we went which seems so simple but surprising how quickly you can lose it. We kissed, and not just a goodbye peck but truly kissed each other and meant it. Even a goodbye peck was held a few seconds longer and began to mean so much more. We said I Love You and not just because it was part of the script but to truly remind the other where we stood with each other. We talked. We talked about everything and anything no matter how much it hurt.

We stopped letting the children rule the house and our schedule.  Date nights became more frequent and more private. We no longer met up with friends when we had a kid free night. Instead we went to places were we could focus on each other and each other only. We sat in corner booths in dark quiet restaurants, looked each other in the eye and reconnected. We took our marriage back and made it top priority because its crucial in a family. If the marriage fails, the family fails.

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We love these little people but they no longer control our house.

When my husband and I started having an affair with each other, we restored our sexual relationship and our passionate attachment to each other. We not only loved each other again but we liked each other too.

All the relationships in our lives matter and take work but our marriage is by far the most important to continue to grow and nurture.  My marriage is the heartbeat of my family, its health is vital. Getting married was easy and fun but maintaining a strong and successful marriage takes hard work, sacrifice and extreme dedication. When I said my vow of for better or worse I meant it. I didn’t take the vow of for better or bail if things get painful.

The most important change we made when our affair started is to put God in the center of our marriage and our lives. Without Him as our firm foundation we were simple standing on shifting sand. He makes all things new and beautiful. He heals the broken-hearted. He restores our lives and wipes away our sins. He is our redeemer.

I won’t lie and say that everything is my home is perfect and that my husband and I never have low moments but I will say that with God and our renewed sense of who we are together, we are stronger than we’ve ever been.

Where Are The Blessings?

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When we arrived I had vomit on my left sleeve and my husband had a vomit blanket draped over his shoulder, shielding one of the girls. Neither of us had slept the night before and the girls felt heavier ,even though their little bodies weighed less than the days before.

I snapped at our youngest daughter who was proudly dragging my purse across the floor in her best attempt at helping us.

The waiting room was packed, half of them treating the ER like a family physician. Minor colds and scrapes irritated us for making our wait longer than it should have been.

My husband and I spent the next 30 minutes bouncing complaints off of each other.

We were in the best hospital our city has to offer and the doctor was actually making visits to the children in the waiting area trying to speed up the process. We had IV orders before we even got to the back room.

The room was so small and only had one bed. My husband laid on the bed with one of our daughters and I sat in the chair with the other. The third played quietly in the corner, afraid I might snap again.

It took an army of nurses to get IVs in both of our girl’s arms and our little room became even more packed than before.

I adjusted myself in the chair because my rear was becoming numb.

What was taking so long?
Why wasn’t our room ready?
Were they going to put all of us in the same room?
They better!
I’m hungry.

We made it up to our room and immediately began to sweat. Geez is it really going to be this hot in here.

After the girls turned down their chicken broth and jello dinner and my husband and I had taken turns sneaking out and eating burgers, we folded out our cheap chairs into make shift beds and tried to rest.

From the other side of the room I heard my husband say “Wow, I wish we had these sheets on our bed at home”. Obviously he was trying to be funny. I couldn’t laugh.

Once our girls finally fell asleep I did my best to rest. After several hours of tossing and turning, I think I passed out.

At 4am I woke up to the swooshing and beeping noise of the two IV machines. I sat up and saw my husband with his earphones in watching a movie on his laptop.

He refused to sleep. He sat up all night just in case one of the girls needed him.

As I was staring at him, oblivious that I was awake,  I suddenly heard a quiet and calm voice.

“You should be giving thanks instead of complaining. Be grateful for what you are looking at”.

It hit me that I had been extremely ungrateful in the past 24 hours.

I have a husband who adores his little girls and would sacrifice anything to assure their safety and comfort. He is the head of our household and leads us with a heart that is focused on God. Our lives have not always been like this and I needed to give thanks for where God has brought us. I have a partner, an extra hand, a lover, a best friend and someone to help with the struggles and blessings that come with being parents.

I was staring right at him, sitting up in an uncomfortable bed, listening to his movie through earphones and making sure that all of his girls were safe.

Thank you, God.

I took a look around the room. It had cooled off since we first got there, partly because the sun had gone down and partly because the room had its own air conditioner that I had cranked way down. We had our own bathroom and enough space for all of our junk.

Thank you, God.

My husband and I had joked, well complained, about the money that was being fed into our girls bodies. Sounds like a real jerk of a thing to say but hospital stays are expensive and they charge you for everything. My husband grabbed a pair of socks wrapped in plastic and started to open them until I yelled at him not to. I can only imagine how expensive they were, or rather are. Yes, he opened them.

My girls had countless bags of IV fluids and more medicine then I care to think about. Each one had their own nurse and the lab techs came in twice a day for a blood sample. Our bill kept getting higher and higher and my stomach felt like it might have caught the bug. Turns out it was just the stress.

I have amazing insurance through my job that allowed us to get out of there without giving up one of our daughters as collateral.

Without experience in my field of work I would have never landed the job that I have and without the job we wouldn’t have this great insurance.

Thank you ,God.

We will get to go home and only lose a few days to this sickness. Other families are not as fortunate and have made residence right here on this very floor of the Children’s Hospital.

Thank you, God.

How many things are we taking for granted each day?
How often do we let small inconveniences overshadow our blessings.
How do we get so caught up in ourselves that we forget to see the gifts all around us.

God tells us to give thanks at all times. To find the blessings in every circumstance.

“In everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” 1 Thessalonians 5:18

In everything?

Yes, in everything there is a blessing.

In everything there is a gift.

In everything there is God.

No matter what you are facing today stop to look for the good, the blessing, the gift.

It’s there.

It might be a full tank of gas or a full plate of food.
A job or a school.
A child or a parent.
A husband or a wife.
A clean bill of health or an insurance policy.
A comfortable bed or an office chair.
A fireplace or an air-conditioner.

Look for the blessings today. Count them if you want to .

Give thanks.

 

My girls begged to go home the entire stay at the hospital. When the nurse came in to take out their IVs so that they could go home she asked Justin if she wanted to go home. Justin told her “No, I’m starting to like it here”. I think the royal treatment of food in bed, being carried to the bathroom and constant pampering got to her.

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We Danced

I really couldn’t stand my husband when I first met him. The first thing that he ever said to me was “I really like your hair”. Seriously, who says that? I ignored him and avoided him. He continually teased me and told everyone that we worked with that he was going to marry me. I hated when he said that, what a jerk. Uhh the nerve! He was relentless. He made the schedule for the management team where we work so he would schedule us to close the restaurant together almost every night. What a jerk! Every night after all of our employees had left the building, we would sit in the office and talk about anything and everything. I remember one night he was telling me how he just wanted a family, that was it. His daughter lived in another city and he talked about her nonstop. He told me every story he had about her, several times.. All he wanted was to be closer to her. I remember thinking how lucky some girl was going to be when she married him. Umm hello, I’m a fool! During one of our many shifts together I made a comment about how much I loved a certain ring from James Avery. Thirty minutes later he was standing in front of me with the ring. He had sneaked out of the restaurant and gone to the jewelry store to get it for me. We were not dating at the time. That night after closing the restaurant we turned the music up as loud as we could and danced together all around the restaurant until the sun came up. And then we were dating. We have been to hell and back (literally) and have endured more than most couples will ever have to. I wouldn’t trade a moment of it for anything. I truly mean that. Every moment, every low and every high has brought us to the beautiful marriage that we have today. When I first met him I chose to reject him for no apparent reason. It was mostly to let him know that I was the boss and would not be weak to him. Silly girl. I wish that I had been submissive to him for day one. I wish that back then I knew how important it is to make your husband or boyfriend feel like the man of the house. I was so used to being in control and having to get everything done myself that I was too afraid to release it to someone else. He wanted to care for me and my daughter. He wanted to protect us, love us, shield us and be the leader for us. I was too stubborn. Its not just him either, I didn’t know how to be submissive to my friends and family either. Yes, we are supposed to be submissive to them too, please please don’t tell my sister that I said that. To me the word submissive meant weak, low, bottom feeder, so I googled it. The definition is slightly different from what I thought. Submissive is the bottom or submissive takes the passive, receiving, or obedient role. I’m okay with that. I’ve really never been labeled as passive but I wouldn’t mind it. Obedient and receiving is something that I have been working on for a few years now. Who wouldn’t want to be receiving? When we are talking about our spouse, friends and family I think that being obedient is something wonderful. When it comes to our Lord I think that the words submissive, receiving and obedient are crucial. Obey His word, submit to His word, receive His word. I am all in! Can you imagine the beauty that will come from living Gods word. I can. It’s easier said than done but its worth the effort. Its worth the sacrifice. It’s worth swallowing your pride and being “the bottom”, “passive”, and “obedient”. I mean when you really stop to think about it why wouldn’t we surrender and let someone lead us. I don t want that stress and worry in the first place. I’m tired of trying to be in charge. I’m tired of trying to run the show. My husband can have the job, I resign. Lets pray “Father, show me how to rest. Show me how to be obedient, submissive and receiving. I don’t want to live my life my way, I want to only follow You. I’m tired. Pick me up and carry me. In Jesus name, amen.” The frist time that my husband ever came to my house he brought my daughter paint and paint brushes and asked if they could go out on the patio and paint together. There was a little part of me that was jealous, yes jealous. The other part of my filled with a love for him that became stronger than any love I could ever imagine. While they were painting my daughter asked him what his favorite color was. He replied in his thick southern accent “paank” (pink) and then sent my little girl into a fit of laughter. 7 years later she still teases him about that word. I love them.

I installed a pool by myself

Yesterday I bought my girl one of those cheap pools at Target. My husband is out of town so I really needed something to keep them occupied. Taking care of all of them by myself can be a little exhausting, I cant wait for him to get home. I lugged out the air compressor, blew up the pool, filled it with water and you would have thought that i had taken the kids to Disney World. They were playing and laughing uncontrollably. Even my big girl had a blast. The pool is literally about three feet deep ,if that. While they were splashing around, my youngest triplet yelled “This is the best day of my life.” Geez, I guess I haven’t done the best job showing them fun entertainment. I’m choosing to feel thankful that she considers playing in a blow up pool with her sisters the best day of her life. Whats the best day of your life? I’d like to say that it was the birth of my kids or my wedding day but it’s not. The best day of my life is the day that my husband gave his life to Christ. Of course the birth of my children was amazing and marrying my husband was fantastic but I was sure that my husband would never accept Christ so when he did it was the best. We were sitting in church and he turned to me and said “will you go down there with me?”, What!!! I think I must have grabbed his and ran to our pastor. I couldn’t help but to cry while he said the prayer giving his life over to Christ. This means more than just him going to church with us on Sundays, teaching the kids bible study, teaching Sunday school or anything else that came along with the day he gave his life. This means that my daughters and I will get to spend eternity with him. It means that he is forgiven of his sins. It means that he now lets God lead him through life instead of wandering aimlessly. That day is the best day of my life because it means that my family will always be together either here on earth or in heaven with our Father. For some reason I always think about Mary and how she would feel and handle some of the life situations that I come across. I wonder what her best day was. Was it the day that her son was crucified on the cross. Sounds odd but maybe she breathed a sigh of relief knowing that her son was finally with His Father. Maybe she breathed a sigh of relief that Jesus would no longer be beaten, accused and hunted. It might have been that day, I don’t know for sure. Her best day also could have been three days after her sons crucifixion. The day that she learned that her son was no longer in the grave. She must have had a crooked little smile that day, a “told you so” smile. When everyone started buzzing around talking about Jesus leaving the grave, she must have swelled with pride, a kind of “that’s my son” type of pride. I obviously don’t know what her best day was but I think that it was also her scariest day. I think it was the day that the Angel Gabriel told her that she would have a son, Gods son. YIKES! Wha Wha What did you just say! Mary replied to Gabriel “I am the Lord’s servant, May it be to me as you have said.” Ya I’m pretty sure that wouldn’t have been my reaction. I think that was her best day. At that moment she knew that she would be going to heaven to spend eternity with her son and heavenly Father. Whats your best day? Is there someone in your life that you want for them to give their life to Christ? Do not sit by and wait. Grab their hand and rush them down to your pastor. I had given up on my husband ever finding Christ. If you think that your loved one will never go to church with you much less give their life over to the Lord then I want you to read something. When the Angel Gabriel was explaining to Mary what was going on, he told her “For nothing is impossible with God.” Luke 1:37. When he said nothing, he meant absolutely nothing! That includes softening even the hardest heart and bringing them to the Lord. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Is someone waiting for you to make the day you give your life to Christ their best day? Don’t wait, take their hand and run with them down to your pastor. It will be the best day of your life, no doubt. Lets pray “Merciful Father thank You for the grace and unconditional love that you give to us. Give us the strength to shout out to the world about Your grace and glory. Give us courage and knowledge to show everyone that nothing is impossible with You by our sides. In Jesus name, amen.” After my husband gave his life to Christ he started coaching our church schools football team. I would take the girls to the games to watch their daddy coach the boys. This amazing husband of mine would actually pray with the boys before the games. My heart would swell with the “that’s my husband” type of pride and I would get a little grin, you know, the “I told you so” type of grin.