The day I testified against my father in court and how I was taught to stand in the gap.

“Mrs.Curry, isn’t it true that…”

I almost couldn’t believe that I was where I was. Sitting in the witness stand ,while my whole body shook violently, I calmly and honestly answered the question that my very own father presented to me in the middle of his custody hearing for my minor siblings. He represented himself in his custody case. Bad move.

The result of me being on the stand left my father with very little time with my siblings and every second of it supervised. I’m not happy about that but it had to be done. It was my responsiblity to protect them and they needed to be protected from our fathers mental and emotional abuse. It was one of the worst and best things I’ve ever done. After so many years of torture from my father, I was happy to take the chance away from him to do it to my siblings but he was still my dad and watching him struggle broke my heart.

The hardest part was the gap it left for the kids.

Growing up, I had the same gap.

My father was an abuser on many levels. Even though he never laid a hand on us, the mind games were just as painful. Those mind games and his in and out presence in my life left a gap. A gap where a father was supposed to be. A huge gap that presented pain and heartache that I would have otherwise never known.

But my life has been full of strong people and unbelievable blessings. I’ve always had people who have stepped in and stood in the gap.

My mom worked tirelessly to provide financially. She showed up at every school event. She made sure I was always smiling and did her best to keep me on the right track.She made sure I was a responsible person, had a good work ethic and was kind and compassionate.

She stood in the gap.

My brother made sure to do the things a father should have done.. He changed the oil in my truck, rebuilt the engine, changed the brake pads and more. He threw the hammer down on me when I was out of line and reminded me to stand up for myself in all circumstances. He comforted me through my pain on more than one occasion and stood up for me daily. He taught me how to be tough, helpful and funny

He stood in the gap.

I’ve been blessed with people who stand in the gap for me. People who stand in the gap of my father’s absence. People who show up and do whatever it takes to make sure I’m not only okay but that I thrive in life. People who pray for me when I’m too hurt to whisper my own prayers.

Now it’s my turn to stand in the gap where my father should be.

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My husband and I will stand in the gap for my 16-year-old sister and welcome her into our home as one of our own. We’ve made a promise to God that we will do our best to be an example of compassion and grace. We will do our best to provide tough love and discipline. We will insist that she just be kid and only have the responsibilities a child should have and nothing more.

We will have the discipline to stand in the gap.

We will provide dinner every night at 6 and breakfast every morning at 6:30.
We will provide a quiet place to do her homework and a safe place to sleep.
We will provide a guaranteed ride to school and promise to be waiting outside when the last bell rings.
We will provide smiles and hugs on a daily basis and firm words when needed.

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We will have the courage to stand in the gap.

We are family. This is what we are called to do. If only for the blink of an eye, a moment in time, we will be a solid rock for her to lean on.

We will have the strength to stand in the gap.

When she crumbles in sadness over our dad’s suicide, we will pull everything from us to remind her of the love he had for her and the love she has now through our family. When she cries for what has been stolen from her childhood, we will find a way to ease the pain. When she stumbles on the stones thrown in front of her, we will reach out our hands to catch her fall.

We will have the dedication to stand in the gap.

I had brave people in my life that, in all circumstance, stood bravely in the gap for me. Today I pray that we have what they had and can be brave enough to stand in the gap for my little sister.

We will stand in the gap.

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17 Again

17

Repost in honor of mine and my husbands baptism anniversary today September 12th. Happy Anniversary to the one God sent to me.

On our first anniversary my husband came home with a new tattoo. It was the number 17 with our wedding bands and initials wrapped around it. It was placed over his heart.

That might have been a sign that he was here for good.

The number 17 is our “number”. Some people have songs, we have a number.

When we first started dating we acted like 17-year-old kids and joked about it all the time. It stuck and now everything is the number 17 for us.

Then real life hit us.

This weekend we celebrated our 7th wedding anniversary.

We celebrate two anniversary each year. Our wedding and our baptism together. Each one is just as special to us as the other.

We celebrate our wedding anniversary for obvious reasons but there is no delusion that it has been smooth sailing. If a marriage can go through something, we’ve been through it.

We’ve been thrown in the mud. Completely torn apart. Crushed under the rubble. Betrayed. Poor. Tired. Sad. Scared.

The devil has attacked us from all sides. He disguised himself in many shapes and forms and slithered around our house for years. He would stop at nothing and no one to try to hurt us.

He succeeded many times.

But those things are yesterday, not today.

He hurt us but he did not break us.

And that’s why we celebrate our baptism together.

It was our stand against the devil.
It was us reminding the devil who we belonged to.
It was us putting God first, always.
It was us rebuilding our marriage on the solid foundation that is our Savior.

If He is for us then who can stand against us.

In the last 7 years I have learned that God does make all things new. I learned that you have to forgive everything, not just the things you want to.
I found the strength to stand up for my family and protect us with everything that I have.
I realized that you don’t walk away from broken things, you stay and fix them.
Most of all I learned that God has to be the foundation of any relationship.

Out of the storm God gave us a new life together. And while we will never be perfect, I’d say we are pretty good. Our days are full of smiles. We go through each day reminding ourselves where we’ve been and how we got to the other side. We have forgiven each other and forgiven ourselves. Not a single moment of it would be possible without the Great Redeemer.

We are forgiven.
Our marriage is forgiven and renewed.
Our life is made whole again.
Nothing will ever stand against us or between us.
We have smiles. Laughter. Giggles. Hugs. Kisses. Bedtime Stories. Late night Snuggles.

We are 17 again.

All things are made new again by our Father.

If you’re standing looking at something that seems to have no repair, be still.

I know that God can do the impossible. I knew it the day that my husband and I threw our hands in the air and decided on a divorce.
God had different plans and He worked on our heart without us even realizing it.

We prayed.
We begged.
We bargained.
We gave it to Him.

When you are standing in the moment of despair it seems impossible. It seems hopeless.

It’s not.

“God can do anything, you know – far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us. ” Ephesians 3:20

Anything.
Anything.
Anything.

He can do ANYTHING.

Don’t lose your heart. Don’t give up hope. Pray. Talk to your Father. He is listening and gently working on your heart the way that He did on mine.

I promise.

You can be 17 again.

Let’s Pray

Merciful Father some of us have a burden so heaven on our hearts we feel like we will be crushed beneath it. Please gently remove it from us and carry it for us. Take away the anxiety that we have from the unknown, it is sometimes too much for us to handle. We know that you work for the good in all of those who believe in You and we take rest in that. Please help us to keep our eyes focused on You and to plant our feet firmly on Your foundations. In Jesus name, amen.

My Monday Prayer For You

Sweet heavenly Father help us to keep our eyes focused on You and remind us that Monday is a fresh start not a day of dragging to get through the week. Give us the courage to tackle the things we have faced with hesitation and remove any fears we might have. Since today is a fresh start I ask that you take away any bitterness or anger we might have weighing on us and carry it for us. Help those of us that still have unforgiveness in our hearts to release it, let go and finally truly forgive. If we need forgiveness I ask that you give us the courage to ask for it. The past is just that, the past and should hold no one hostage. Let us love each other with complete abandonment. In Jesus name, amen.

For You

May God lay His loving hand on your heart tonight and let you fall peacefully asleep without the burden of worry. May He heal you from any hurt that you keep hidden deep inside. May He lay forgiveness so heavy on your heart that you have no other choice but to forgive the way that He has forgiven you, fully and unconditionally. Nothing can change the past but I pray that God releases you from it and you allow yourself to move on. When the sun creeps through your window tomorrow and wakes you with a kiss, I pray that you see it as a new beginning. In the name of the one who loved you so much that he chose to give his life for you. Amen

 

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a prayer for you

My Prayer For You Tonight

Lord give us your eyes.
When we face the mirror give us your eyes.
When we face our friends and family give us your eyes.
When we face our fears give us your eyes.
Most important Father, when we face our enemies give us your eyes.
Give us the courage to love ourselves unconditionally.
Give us the courage to accept our friends and family unconditionally.
Give us the strength to face our fears.
Most important Father, give us the heart to love our enemies.
Lord give us your eyes.

May you see the world through our Father’s eyes and may he fill your heart with what is good, honest and holy. May He give you the ability to truly forgive and the strength to let go.

 

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Give Me A Broken Heart

Heavenly Father give me a broken heart today. Break it for all the things that break yours. Lead me to places that need to know Your great name. Let me hear the prayers of the broke. Show me how to die to myself so that You can live through me. Give me a fishing pole so that I can bring the lost to you. Let nothing but kindness pour from my lips even to those who seek conflict. Help me to understand that we are all a work in progress so that I don’t build ill feelings to those who don’t know true forgiveness yet. Take our hearts and make them honest at all cost. Heavenly Father give me a broken heart today.

Disappoint Me

Heavenly Father thank you for the disappointments. Thank you for disappointing me by not answering the prayers that I prayed from my greed and not my need. When I close my eyes to pray help me to have the wisdom to give it all to you and not to ask for a single thing except Your will be done. Disappointment when I beg for money, things, revenge and anything else that is not of You. Reject my cries for the things that I feel desperate for. Remind me that You know what is best for me and that the things I want may not always be the things I need. Help me to rest in that. Heavenly Father thank you for the disappointments. In Jesus name, amen.

I Know Who Goes Before Me

My prayer for you today.

Heavenly Father
Help us to see today as a beautiful beginning instead of dragging our feet with the Monday blues. Open new doors and set divine appointments. Show us the clear path that you have paved for our future and give us the courage to follow it without hesitation. Give us the strength to live our life the way you intended and gently push us along when we are too scared to move our feet. Remind us of the things that are truly important and help us to let go of the things that are weighing us down. You go before us, we have nothing to fear. In Jesus name, amen.

You’re aboslutely beautiful

You have no idea how beautiful you are in the eyes of our Father. The flaws that you think you see in the mirror are invisible to Him. He created you. He adores you. He delights in your beauty. Beauty is measured by the heart not by what the world has declared to be attractive. You are is son, is daughter and nothing could be more beautiful than that. Turn away from the things that trap us into believing we are anything less than royalty in heaven and tilt your beautiful face to the Lord. You are beautiful. Absolutely beautiful.

beautiful

17 Again.

17

On our first anniversary my husband came home with a new tattoo. It was the number 17 with our wedding bands and initials wrapped around it. It was placed over his heart.

That might have been a sign that he was here for good.

The number 17 is our “number”.  Some people have songs, we have a number.

When we first started dating we acted like 17-year-old kids and joked about it all the time. It stuck and now everything is the number 17 for us.

Then real life hit us.

This weekend we celebrated our 7th wedding anniversary.

We celebrate two anniversary each year. Our wedding and our baptism together. Each one is just as special to us as the other.

We celebrate our wedding anniversary for obvious reasons but there is no delusion that it has been smooth sailing. If a marriage can go through something, we’ve been through it.

We’ve been thrown in the mud. Completely torn apart. Crushed under the rubble. Betrayed. Poor. Tired. Sad. Scared.

The devil has attacked us from all sides. He disguised himself in many shapes and forms and slithered around our house for years. He would stop at nothing  and no one to try to hurt us.

He succeeded many times.

But those things are yesterday, not today.

He hurt us but he did not break us.

And that’s why we celebrate our baptism together.

It was our stand against the devil.
It was us reminding the devil who we belonged to.
It was us putting God first, always.
It was us rebuilding our marriage on the solid foundation that is our Savior.

If He is for us then who can stand against us.

In the last 7 years I have learned that God does make all things new.                                                                                                                                        I learned that you have to forgive everything, not just the things you want to.
I found the strength to stand up for my family and protect us with everything that I have.
I realized that you don’t walk away from broken things, you stay and fix them.
Most of all I learned that God has to be the foundation of any relationship.

Out of the storm God gave us a new life together. And while we will never be perfect, I’d say we are pretty good. Our days are full of smiles. We go through each day reminding ourselves where we’ve been and how we got to the other side. We have forgiven each other and forgiven ourselves. Not a single moment of it would be possible without the Great Redeemer.

We are forgiven.
Our marriage is forgiven and renewed.
Our life is made whole again.
Nothing will ever stand against us or between us.
We have smiles. Laughter. Giggles. Hugs. Kisses. Bedtime Stories. Late night Snuggles.

We are 17 again.

All things are made new again by our Father.

If you’re standing looking at something that seems to have no repair, be still.

I know that God can do the impossible. I knew it the day that my husband and I threw our hands in the air and decided on a divorce.
God had different plans and He worked on our heart without us even realizing it.

We prayed.
We begged.
We bargained.
We gave it to Him.

When you are standing in the moment of despair it seems impossible. It seems hopeless.

It’s not.

“God can do anything, you know – far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us. ” Ephesians 3:20

Anything.
Anything.
Anything.

He can do ANYTHING.

Don’t lose your heart. Don’t give up hope. Pray. Talk to your Father. He is listening and gently working on your heart the way that He did on mine.

I promise.

You can be 17 again.

Let’s Pray

Merciful Father some of us have a burden so heaven on our hearts we feel like we will be crushed beneath it. Please gently remove it from us and carry it for us. Take away the anxiety that we have from the unknown, it is sometimes too much for us to handle. We know that you work for the good in all of those who believe in You and we take rest in that. Please help us to keep our eyes focused on You and to plant our feet firmly on Your foundations. In Jesus name, amen.

My husbands 17 tattoo is a gentle reminder of where we started. The  one on my left wrist, close to my wedding ring that reads “forgiven 17” is a gentle reminder of why we are here today.