I Have Found The Cure For Every Woman’s/Teenagers’ Clothing Dilemma!

Ok, so maybe every woman doesn’t have a clothes dilemma but I do and so do my two teenagers. One things that I’m fairly strict about in our home is dressing modestly. I’m not asking my kids to dress like nuns, I’m just asking them to cover up what should be covered up. The last thing I want to see if an exposed belly as they walk out of the house.

This can create an issue because it’s become nearly impossible to find clothes that are cute, modest and affordable. I’ll never be able to wrap my brain around the fact that half shirts and booty shorts are sold in children’s sizes… or adult sizes for that matter.

This brand is for women of all shapes and sizes and the clothes are beautiful!

SO… If you’re looking for modest, cute and super affordable clothes check out ZigZag Stripe. Even my teenagers have asked me to order for them. Score one for mom! They’ve made me a brand rep so if you enter code ZZS907 at check out you’ll get 10% off every time you order. They have new arrivals every day that are 20% off.

I’m a sucker for clothes that are this comfortable and that I don’t have to worry about accidentally exposing belly, crack or cleavage.


Check out the beautiful clothes here!

Don’t forget to enter code ZZS907 to get your discount!





Motherhood: More Than Skin Deep

Opening up my life and sharing my story seems so easy to me. However, today I’m taking a step out of my comfort zone and sharing my mom body. Many brave women signed up to share themselves and how they became moms. Each mom, no matter how they arrived at motherhood, is beautiful and strong. Much respect for all of these women. In celebration of Mother’s Day, here’s Motherhood: More Than Skin Deep.

Motherhood: More Than Skin Deep


Photo credit: ARG Photographs

A story of courage, faith and grace in the face of cancer. Channel’s story of bravely living God’s plan for her life.


I took a deep breath in and exhaled as strong as I could and for as long as my lungs would allow. I watched the virtual candle flicker on the screen as she released her breath into the machine attached to the computer. I desperately wanted the air in my lungs to make up for what her’s had somehow come to lack.

Running track had become difficult for her and gymnastics wore her out so here we were trying to find a reason for the pounding in her chest. As the doctor spoke to me I found myself making long and labored efforts to fill my body with oxygen. It’s strange how our bodies react to what is mentally weighing on us.

At that moment I would have traded my lungs for hers. Give her mine, they work perfectly. I’ll take hers. She’s was only 13 and deserved the good set.

Jordan’s mom and dad weren’t able to take her to the doctor that day so I gladly volunteered. That day would be the first time I would meet her mom. She and I met and talked about the diagnosis of chronic asthma then went over every pill and every inhaler that had been prescribed in her child’s name. We respectfully looked each other in the eyes and carefully went over every detail. I talked while she took notes.

That’s how I met Channel, sitting in the kitchen discussing her daughter’s diagnosis.

Now, over 11 years later, that sweet girl  and her mother are facing another diagnosis and finding themselves taking deep breaths in an effort to understand how they got here and what comes next.

Radiation 10-2014

I want to share Channel’s story with you and ask you to take a minute to pray for her, her family and all the medical staff that will care for her. On Monday she will learn the results fo her latest scans and what she is up against. The prayer is always for miraculous healing but they’d settle for no new spots or growth in the current ones. She is a wife to Tommy and a mommy to Jordan, Weston, Korbyn and Tatum. She’s a daughter and a sister. She is the child of the One True King. Please join us in prayer today and continue to pray for this family.

her babes 9-29-14

First chemo treatment after relapse

On October 18th, 2013 Channel was diagnosed with non-small cell adenocarcinoma and has since faced things in her life that she never expected.

Her story is one of amazing faith and a true testament of someone who is bravely facing God’s plan for her life. I have no idea how I would face what she has had to face medically and mentally but I hope that I would somehow find as much faith as she has and be an example to everyone who knows her and many that have never met her. Through this Channel has touch lives of people that she has never met and shown a courage that people strive for. She hasn’t hidden her fears but has taken great efforts to put her faith first. No one wants to go through what she has and will physically go through but she knows these things are ultimately temporary and that God gave her this test so that she would have a testimony. Channel is facing her test and telling her testimony so that others can find strength in their trials. She is letting God use her the way He planned and instead of rejecting Him and being angry, she is giving thanks and courageously following His plan.

Channel shaved

Goofy shaved (1)

Here’s Channel’s story told through the eyes of that 13-year-old little girl who is now a 24-year-old amazing woman, daughter and sister.

Jordan takes deep breath in and exhales as strong as she can and for as long as her lungs will allow. She faces the doctors and diagnosis while embracing her mother’s hand in her own. She desperately wants the air in her lungs to make up for what her mom’s have somehow come to lack. At this moment Jordan would trade her lungs for her moms. She’ll take hers. Give her mine, she thinks, they work perfectly.  She’s the mom and needs the good set.

Shaved -Jordan Channel

Channel’s story through her daughter: My mom was sick off and on the beginning of 2013, she would feel bad then get a little better. She had gone on a trip to Costa Rica with Tommy mid July and had a blast! Shortly after this trip she started feeling bad again. Things just started going way down hill and doctors could not figure it out.

All of her Doctors were doing what they could to figure out what was wrong and one of the things that was done was a spinal tap – my mom got the headache from the procedure and went into the ER to have a blood patch done. While she was waiting for her blood patch one of the nurses came in and did a chest x-ray, we thought that was procedure and didn’t think of it. The results came back and she was diagnosed with pneumonia. She was put on antibiotics and we went on our way. During the next two weeks she was extremely sick – she saw another doctor that convinced us this was a fungus in her lungs (this included being in the hospital 7 days) so again she was on meds but this time it was worse.
During that time she lost 20 lbs, fainted at one point that put bruises all down her body and felt like an elephant was sitting on her chest.

That is when she ended up back in the ER – that night a few things happened. One of her nurses recognized her and told us after she had left the ER last time they realized an error on their part – the chest x-ray that was done was not ordered for her but for another patient in the ER. This was no error – God knew exactly what he was doing! Thank you nurse for making an “error”! Major GOD WINK! Of course the nurses and ER doctor wanted to admit her into the hospital but she argued that she wasn’t staying unless someone would figure out what was wrong with her. She was so tired of being in the hospital with no real results, so that is exactly what they did.

She was introduced to Dr. Ulmer, her oncologist, and his team who have been such a blessing – we all are so sure that Dr. Ulmer is exactly who God picked for my mom. And by the next day, October 18th, 2013 she was diagnosed with non-small cell adenocarcinoma. The diagnoses was the most terrifying thing I had ever heard in my life. My mom has never smoked a day in her life – HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN??????? We were so happy to hear her PET scan came back and that the cancer was only in her lungs! She went on to have half her lung removed on November 1, 2013, and then chemo started. All went as well as I think it could have being this Is the first time ive ever seen someone go through this.

Fast forward to March 2014 and she was officially IN REMISSION!! She went to her 3 month check up and HALLELUJIA she was still in remission. It was when Dr Ulmer called on September 18th after her 6 month check up that our world came crashing down once again – but worse. This time not only was the cancer back in her lungs but it had spread to her brain. WHY? WHY? WHY? Luckily, surgery was an option. We met her surgeon Dr. Bogaev who is absolutely amazing and two days later she had surgery to remove the two largest tumors located at the front of her brain. There are two more spots, one on the back of her brain and one at the top. She had one week of cyberknife radiation for the spot on her lung and one week for the two spots on her brain as well as the “bed” where the tumors had been that were removed. She is getting chemo once every three weeks for 4-6 months and then will be put on a ‘maintenance chemo’ regimen. Mama C completely secluded herself from everyone when she found out it had spread to her brain. She just knew she was going to die and she didn’t want to be around anyone. Thankfully, she has come out of that funk and has been more social and inviting to all of her friends and family. So far she has had two treatments of chemo – this makes her sick for about a week but then she has two weeks of feeling a little better! (so thankful for this) The radiation made her bald in certain spots which meant she ended up shaving her head.

Jordan’s heart: This is extremely hard, overwhelming, sad, confusing, hurtful to me. I feel so sad and mad and I do not understand any of it. The hardest part is watching her fight through this. I see how much she is struggling and it completely breaks my heart. I hate seeing my mom like this and I hate wondering every day how much more time I have with her. The selfish side of me wants her here forever. I want her to be here when I get engaged and when I get married and I want my kids to have a Cici. I want that for me but I also want that for her so bad!!! I think this is so unfair and I want someone to give me an explanation!!!!!! I have had my moments of being mad at God but I’ve truly put my trust in Him. I believe that He has a purpose around this and I believe that He will not only get her through this but me and everyone else too. My biggest prayer is that my mom be present. I want her to be able to spend time with us kids without thinking about everything else that’s going on. It is so hard to be in this situation without thinking about the word CANCER in every single thing you do. ITS DISGUSTING. I also pray that this helps people get through their struggles. When you write about things I may not be going through or have gone through that exact thing but it helps me!!!

prayer group before surgery

Channel has chosen to live her life with purpose. She does her best to teach the rest of us to love while we can, forgive while we can, hug our family while we can and to carry out God’s will for our lives with courage and faith. Even in her weakest moments she continues to remind us how worthy and brave we all are and encourages people to be physically, mentally and emotionally healthy at her gym aMAZEn Boot Camp.  Today we can honor her by facing each day with grace and mercy for others, love everyone and forgive everything.

In Channels words,

“Love you all big! Muah!”


Be Beautiful, Do Beautiful and Evolve.

Our worth is not defined by the circumstances in our lives but rather how we react to those circumstances.

We are beautiful because we were created by the loving hand of the Lord and He only makes things that are wonderful and perfect.

Be Beautiful, Do Beautiful.

I try not to be a vain person, really I do. Don’t get me wrong, I like to look presentable but I don’t hold my worth in my appearance. I do my best to eat healthy and get some form of exercise when I can but I don’t measure any of my value from what the scale reads. But a few weeks ago I failed. Miserably failed.

I received a message from Savvy Media Marketing asking if I would be the November model for Evolve Boutique. Last month Evolve launched its Be Beautiful, Do Beautiful campaign and their goal is to highlight different women in our community who “do beautiful”.

Vanity bomb!

The last thing I really wanted to do is have my picture taken and posted on the internet. I gave birth 8 months ago and I am not one of those women that can walk the runway days after birth. Actually, I’m not one of those women that can walk the runway, ever. I’m usually pretty comfortable in my skin but right now my skin is recovering from a very complicated birth with many obstacles that have slowed my healing process.  I wasn’t ready for pictures. On top of that the owner wanted me to tell her how I do beautiful. That might have been more uncomfortable than taking pictures. I found it hard to say how I do beautiful.

Reality Bomb!

A few days before the pictures I was at church with a group of my close girlfriends and I was telling them how stressed I was about the pictures and about how to express how I do beautiful. It just seems weird to talk about yourself that way. One of my honest and hilarious friends threw a humble pie right in my face. She look at me with a grin and said “Oh you mean like you had us do for your True Beauty post, except you actually get to wear makeup and fancy clothes.”. Thank you Amber and I truly mean that.

Point taken.
Vanity in check.

I went home, wrote how I think I do beautiful  then stood in front of the mirror and reminded myself that my worth and value do not come from the reflection in the mirror but from the reflection of my heart and God’s amazing love for me.

I am honored that Evolve Boutique and Savvy Media marketing chose me to represent them. I am thankful that they looked at a curvy, fluffy mother of five and decided that it’s what beautiful looks like to them. Evolve carries beautiful clothes that allow women to be stylish yet modest and I’m all about dressing modest. Their goal is to enhance the beauty you already posses inside. Expose The Heart photography did an amazing job helping me look and feel feminine and beautiful and I think we can all agree that proper lighting doesn’t hurt a girls confidence. . But honestly, aside from all that silly earthly stuff, this entire experience humbled me and made me even more grateful that God has a plan for us and that He will put us through test so we have a testimony, give us a mess so we will have a message and give us the gift to be His hands and feet.

Visit Evolve Boutique Blog to see their Be Beautiful, Do Beautiful campaign.


I got to sit down with Erin from Savvy Media Marketing and Victoria, the owner of Evolve, and we talked about what makes someone beautiful. We talked about how having a special needs child has impacted my family’s life and how we know that it is easily one of the greatest gifts God has ever given us. We talked about forgiveness and we talked about God.
In our conversation I mentioned to Victoria how brave it was of her to put scripture on her company website, not because I think  she should hide it, I am proud of her. It is simply a bold move by a business owner to post her religious beliefs on her company page knowing that it might lose a few customers. She responded with amazing grace. She said that the store was an act of obedience to God on her part and if she didn’t put God in the center then it simple wouldn’t be anything.

God is good and days like today are a reminder that He makes good people.

Victoria has decided to donate some of the proceeds from her online sales to the Autism Community Network in our family’s honor. This makes my heart want to leap from my chest. Please visit her at Evolve and not only grab something classy and modest for you or a loved one but help support autism awareness at the same time.

Hiding from my children

Moving on

We moved six weeks ago. It was kinda a last minute thing. Well, I knew we were going to move, but we were planning on moving this summer. Not right smack dab in the middle of the school year. My two girls (4th & 3rd grade) were not too happy with us. And I don’t blame them. It was the first time they were at the same school two years in a row. They finally had made good friends.

It really was a hard decision for us to pull them out mid-year, but we knew it was the right one. Our family needed to be together under one roof.

Since last July, my husband had been commuting on the weekends (if he didn’t have to work) to see us. He had a new job (a year-long training) 3 hours away. We weren’t guaranteed that this training would turn into a job after the one year, so we were hesitant to move us all only to  have to move again in a year. We decided the kids and I would stay in our home and he would come home when he could.

It was a hard adjustment at first, being all alone, but I got used to it. I had a routine set in place which saved my life.  Breakfast, off to school, snack, homework, play, dinner, bed. We stuck to it and usually by 8pm everyone was asleep. I felt like I had good time with my kids and enough time for myself to keep it working.

When we moved in January, I didn’t want to make my kids start at a new school in the middle of the year (especially since we were just renting and might move again next year and then they would be in another new school). So, I decided I would home school them. Don’t laugh.

I had done this once before –  the first year we moved to Tennessee and it was an epic fail. So why would I try it again? Well, because I’m an idiot last time I was pregnant and sick (and depressed, but I didn’t know it) and this time I’m not pregnant or sick and now on meds 🙂 Plus, it would only be for half a school year. How hard could it be?

Time Out

Uh… it’s hard.

It’s not so much the school work that’s difficult (though I do realize how much I don’t know!), but it is more of the juggling the four kids that I find challenging.  I haven’t found a good routine and everyone is doing something different.

And then there’s the whole thing where everyone needs me all at the same time – how dare they! Plus the fact, my kids are with me all. the. time. Like 24/7. Don’t get me wrong. I love my kids. But sometimes, I just need a break.

A few minutes alone.

To close my eyes and hear nothing.

So, sometimes I  hide.

But it never fails that within 5 minutes of hiding, I hear “MMOOOOMMMMMMYYYY! Where are you? I need you!!!!!!”

I reluctantly get up and find the one hollering at me. It’s usually to referee an argument, wipe someone, or they just wanted to see me. And I’m usually irritated that I had to come out of hiding for something I didn’t feel was that important.

Always there

Man, aren’t you glad God doesn’t do that?

That he doesn’t hide from us?

That he doesn’t get so annoyed with our childish ways, our constant disobedience, and our worries?

I am so thankful when I talk to him, he’s not like, “Um, sorry Amber. Talk to the hand. I just need some time alone, you’re driving me nuts today.”

Nope, it’s never like that…He’s always there.

He’s patiently waiting…waiting for us to come to him.

He doesn’t hide from us. He wants us to talk to him, to need him…no matter if that “need” seems important or not.

You’ll never hear him say, “Are you seriously praying for that? That’s no big deal, just get over it” even though we might think that about our own problems. But he wants to hear it…he wants all of it.

He’s waiting for me… for you….with a warm smile and open arms.


Let’s Pray

Dear Heavenly Father,

I am so thankful that you are not like me.  That you do not hide from us.  I pray that whoever needs to know that you are there…ready and waiting for them…would call out for your help. You want us to come to you with our worries and our problems and our needs. You want us to need you… for everything….total dependence. Because it’s in that complete dependence that we are truly free. Help us to remember that. That we don’t have to carry our burdens ourselves. That we are not alone in this.  Thank you for your absolute, unconditional love. In your name we pray, Amen.

Here’s my latest hiding attempt. I was busted only after 5 minutes.

bath tub

This post was written by Amber, where you can sometimes find her blogging at The Unconventional Doctor’s Wife…or hiding from her children.

A note from Candice- I love this woman who I have never met face to face. For some crazy reason she has by back.  She supports me 100%.  I think maybe we were separated at birth at some random hospital except I’m old and she’s not.  Thank you Amber for having faith in me. Love you sister!

Repeat After Me.

Repeat After Me

I am strong.

I am worthy.

I am beautiful.

I am forgiven.

I am worth more than precious rubies.

I am David and will take down my Goliath.

I can walk on water to meet my Savior.

I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.

I will forgive.

I will love.

I will let go.

Now go make today more than you had planned.

Not Love, Justin

I posted this picture of my daughters note to her triplet sisters on my personal facebook page. We all got a ton of laughs and everyone had something to say about it, most of them super funny. I showed it again to my peeps at work and we laughed again.

I started thinking about it tonight and it actually made me sad. Justin is my autistic daughter and wrote this note on Saturday after cleaning her room with her sisters.

I sometimes forget that the triplets have been together, side by side, since conception. They bathe together, sleep together, eat together, share a room, share their clothes, share their hair brush, toothpaste and on more occasions than I care to admit, they share their toothbrush.

Six years ago they shared a womb and trust me when I say that it was a room of close quarters.

My little Justin likes to be alone, which doesn’t work well when you are a triplet. Don’t get me wrong, she loves her sisters and plays with them in spurts throughout the day but her true happiness is in her alone time.

So, she created this note.

When she proudly presented her work to me I told her that it made me sad that she wrote “not love” and that she should always love her sisters. She took the paper to her room and came back a few minutes later and said “Here, is this better?”.

On the bottom of the note she wrote “I love you mom.” Not really what I was going for but I’ll take it.

Of course the note is hilarious but Justin was serious when she wrote it. She doesn’t know how to be sarcastic, mean or rude but she is extremely black and white and obviously very blunt.

I try to make the triplets as individual as possible. I refused to name them same letter names or rhyming names. I will not dress them alike or even color coordinating.

They aren’t dress up dolls, they are little humans and need their own identity.

They have completely different lunch boxes and backpacks and I have separated them in to different classrooms so that they can have their own friends and teachers. I understand if the matching names, clothes, hair and friends is your thing but it is definitely not mine.

Justin isn’t just one of the triplets, she is Justin.

Can you imagine having to be with someone 24/7? It’s not just one person either, it’s two people that you have to constantly be with!

I love my husband but if I had to be next to him all day, everyday, one of us would end up in the emergency room and it wouldn’t be me.

I’m also pretty fond of my kids but sometimes I can’t lock the door behind them fast enough.

I can guarantee that there is not a single person alive that would want to spend all of their time with me, I’m a mess. I don’t know how God puts up with me.

However, He is the one constant in our lives. He is the one that never leaves us, and I do mean never. He’s even there when you beg Him to leave you alone.

He didn’t just come in to your life when you started thinking about Him or talking to Him, you were actually His idea to begin with.

He created you and knitted you in your mothers womb with His very own hands.

I don’t make this stuff us people, check it out.

“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.” Psalms 139:13.

I’d say that is pretty amazing. How in the world does He not tire from us?

I would turn from me in disgust and never speak to me again if I was Him. His love for us is more unconditional and forgiving than any other love and forgiveness that you have ever experienced.

When you fail, triumph, hide or shine He will never walk away from you. You are loved more than you could ever dream up and there is not a single thing you can do about it.

We might as well accept it and cherish it.

God is our forever. How does He do it?!

And He will never sign a note to you “Not Love”.

Let’s pray

Loving Father thank you for being with us even when we do not deserve you. When we are feeling alone and defeated please put Your loving hand on us and remind us that there is never a moment in our lives that You are not there. Help us to fully accept Your love for us and understand what it means.

In Jesus name, amen

My husband and I are going to work harder on giving Justin some alone time. We thought about letting her have our room for a couple of hours each day but Justin says that she wants her own house. Oh heaven help us!

I’m A “C+” At Best

My Therapy

I started writing shortly after my fathers suicide. It was my therapy because I was too stubborn to go get real therapy. Plus, blurting it all out to you seems so much more fun and I can’t see you gasping in horror through this computer.

If you stop by here often then you know that this is still my therapy and sometimes I forget to filter myself or consider anyone else feelings, thoughts, beliefs or needs. My mind goes much faster than my fingers and I end up stumbling around on my words.

I never edit my writing before I post it, that one is obvious. I’ll go back and read a post a few days later and crack up at how many mistakes I have made. I know for a fact (because they tell me) that my friends are editing my writing in their heads as they read it. I love it.

I love to picture them rolling their eyes, maybe giggling, definitely breaking out there imaginary red pen and marking through my post right on their computer screens. Some of them bring it up to me in a very soft way as to not hurt my feelings. (Thanks Ash and Melissa.)

And then there’s my sister who will just flat out let me know what a moron I really am. She has never been one to sugar coat anything for me and it’s been my saving grace more times than I care to count.

I once moved out of the house that I was living in with my boyfriend (SINNER!) and moved in to an apartment. I wrote a list of things that I needed at the store and the last thing on the list was a door mat. When I got to the store and pulled the list out I saw that right next to the words door mat she wrote “stop being one”. Thanks Tia for the honesty, you know more than anyone how desperately I need it sometimes.

Filling my empty cup

Ok, where were we?

Oh ya, I sit in bed and write while we are winding down from our day and the kids are already fast asleep. Sometimes I get in bed and I am empty. I do not have a thought in my head or a single thing to say.

No I’m serious, there really are times that I am at a loss for words. Those are the days that I just want to give up. After all it is pretty silly that a girl like me, with a background like mine, would dare to preach about the most amazing, super duper, fantastic, all might Savior that is our Heavenly Father.

I am ill equipped but I really don’t care, I’m going to do it anyways.

My cousin told me the other day that she reads this silly blog every day and talks to her husband about it. They really need to get a hobby or go on a date.

So, I am sitting here tonight completely empty.

My day was uneventful.

My lunch consisted of four variations of lettuce, tomato and avocado on flat bread so I’m starving and a little cranky. I wonder if there’s a box of pop-tarts and a turkey in the refrigerator. .

While I’m sitting here empty with my mind wandering aimlessly, I skip over to my email to see if there is any interesting ad that I might have missed.

My friend has this way of popping in, through email or mail, at just the right time with just the right words. She brilliant and hilarious. She just sent me a novel over email trying to help me sort through my random ideas and crazy dreams. She was able to talk me down from the ledge that I was standing on.

I was on the verge of giving my worldly possessions away and becoming a nomad. I’m sure my husband will thank her later.

She makes me feel like I have a purpose and that even my crazy rants and rambles make a difference.

She fills my cup.

You Matter

Do you sometimes feel like what you are doing doesn’t matter? I do, most of the time.

Why even bother sharing a smile with a stranger? Why even bother letting someone go in front of you in line?

Don’t even get me started on work.

Does selling food to restaurants cure a disease? Does cleaning stables change the world?

Of course not, but everything you do, as long as you are doing it for the glory of God, matters.

This week I stopped by a customers account to take an order and ended up sitting for almost an hour talking about our sweet Savior. That mattered to me and it mattered to her.

Everything that we do matters.

You really have no idea how many people are watching what you do and listening to what you say.

Quit frankly it’s a little intimidating.

I want to set an example for anyone that crosses my path. I want to tell them all about my heavenly Father. I want to show them what they can have with Him.

I don’t have to give away everything and live in a dirt floor, one room hut to make a difference. I can make a difference each and every day by simply letting God shine through me.

It’s okay that I have this silly welcome sign on my front door, it lets people know that they will find love and acceptance in my home. So what if I paid $20 for it.

Fill your cup up and let it flow out on those around you like my sweet friend does for me.

If you are getting your classroom ready for the new school year today, it matters to the children and all of their parents.

If you are staying home and being a mom all day, it matters to your children.

If you are driving a bus, it matters to the people who need a lift.

You matter. You matter. You matter.

You will without a doubt see someone or talk to someone today and how you act and speak will matter to them so let God shine through you and set an example of grace, mercy , love and faith so strongly that it can not be denied. That matters to our heavenly Father.

Let’s pray

“Sweet Father remind each one of us today how unique you made us and that everything we do matters to You and those around us. Do not let discouragement and feelings of worthlessness creep up on us.

Help us to be examples of your love and grace so that the people that we touch each day will be drawn to you the way that we are. Let us show them how much they matter.

In Jesus name, Amen.”

I was tempted to go back and reread this, possible correct my mistakes and filter my words but I didn’t want my smart friends to be bored.