Why I Choose To Have An Affair.


An Affair by definition is a sexual relationship, a romantic friendship or passionate attachment between two people.

My husband and I have been married for 9 years. I’ve been having an affair for over four years now. Had I known how wonderful it was going to be I would have done it years before. I’m happier and healthy because of it and I’m not ashamed.

Many years ago I was sitting in a bible study and the man speaking told the room full of ladies “Have an affair with your husband or someone else will”. That ran through my head for days. I knew he was right but kids were tugging at my skirt, the bank account was beyond tight and both my husband and I were at our jobs more than we were in front of each other. I was tired. I put the kids first, myself and my marriage last and lost all sense of why my husband and I married each other in the first place.

In 2010 our marriage crashed like an airplane that lost both its engines mid-flight. While picking up the pieces of the wreckage we discovered our black box, the heart of the matter, the secrets of the cockpit. Through that I realized that I wasn’t a good wife. I had been a great mom, I was confident in that, but I fell extremely short in the wife department. I failed at being a good and strong wife who put her husband first and let him lead the family.

So I started having an affair.

I’m not going to lie, it took effort at first but after a while became second nature.

I began an affair with my own husband 4 years ago and it changed our lives.

We had let our marriage slip and our focus went to treading water in an effort to keep our heads up and not drown in all the hits life had for us.  So we made a choice to turn our focus back to each other and all the reasons we fell in love in the first place.  We began an affair with each other. We rebuilt our sexual relationship, romantic friendship and passionate attachment to each other.

He rubbed my back and played with my hair without me begging. We held hands everywhere we went which seems so simple but surprising how quickly you can lose it. We kissed, and not just a goodbye peck but truly kissed each other and meant it. Even a goodbye peck was held a few seconds longer and began to mean so much more. We said I Love You and not just because it was part of the script but to truly remind the other where we stood with each other. We talked. We talked about everything and anything no matter how much it hurt.

We stopped letting the children rule the house and our schedule.  Date nights became more frequent and more private. We no longer met up with friends when we had a kid free night. Instead we went to places were we could focus on each other and each other only. We sat in corner booths in dark quiet restaurants, looked each other in the eye and reconnected. We took our marriage back and made it top priority because its crucial in a family. If the marriage fails, the family fails.


We love these little people but they no longer control our house.

When my husband and I started having an affair with each other, we restored our sexual relationship and our passionate attachment to each other. We not only loved each other again but we liked each other too.

All the relationships in our lives matter and take work but our marriage is by far the most important to continue to grow and nurture.  My marriage is the heartbeat of my family, its health is vital. Getting married was easy and fun but maintaining a strong and successful marriage takes hard work, sacrifice and extreme dedication. When I said my vow of for better or worse I meant it. I didn’t take the vow of for better or bail if things get painful.

The most important change we made when our affair started is to put God in the center of our marriage and our lives. Without Him as our firm foundation we were simple standing on shifting sand. He makes all things new and beautiful. He heals the broken-hearted. He restores our lives and wipes away our sins. He is our redeemer.

I won’t lie and say that everything is my home is perfect and that my husband and I never have low moments but I will say that with God and our renewed sense of who we are together, we are stronger than we’ve ever been.

8 thoughts on “Why I Choose To Have An Affair.

  1. I’m doing a bible study with my boyfriend and relearning how to put God in the center of our relationship; too often we are eager and willing to attach ourselves to worldly things and forget about who actually brought us into this world. This post was such a wonderful and amazing reminder that God needs to be first in a relationship for it to succeed and progress at a pace to stand the test of time. I’m praying for you and your husband and hope that God will see you both through the tough times as well as the great times.


  2. This is a great piece, but it doesn’t say how you did these things. Can you elaborate? My husband isn’t a saved Christian. We’ve been married for 20 years. I’m saved and God is definitely at the center and forefront of my life & marriage. We have 3 kids. I’d like to know what changes you made to not let the kids rule the house! And also how you changed your perspectives on date nights and really just how you did everything you mention in your post! Thank you. 🙂

  3. Thank you…I came to your site after reading your post about your daughter and her stepmom (I have a similar relationship as you with my son’s stepmom and they seem to be not the norm)…I needed to read this as my marriage is struggling right now.

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