Why I don’t believe in God.



He leaned in to me and whispered “Tell them that you know.”
I lowered my head, not wanting it to be true but deep inside I already had a pretty good idea.
“Tell them. Tell them about the guy in red.”

“Santa Claus isn’t real, is he?”

I was in 4th grade when my brother broke the news. I had no choice but to believe him. Up to this point I had believed in Santa. I couldn’t argue that every Christmas Eve we put out milk and cookies and when we woke up the next day they were gone and gifts were under the tree. I mean someone had to do it right. Plus, who was posing for pictures at the mall if Santa wasn’t real.

I had never really seen Santa. Everything I had ever heard was  just a story.
Had anyone even been to his workshop in the North Pole?

I think it all hit me at once. The Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny, even Cupid, all fakes.

I believed in all of them for many years. I trusted that they existed but had never experienced any truth with any of them. I just believed.

I believed in Santa but didn’t really know him.

I believed in the Easter Bunny but didn’t really know him…or is it a her?

I believed in the Tooth Fairy but didn’t really know her.

Believing in something means you are convinced of it.  Knowing something means you have concrete evidence that it is true.

After all these years it made me realize that I don’t believe in God.

I don’t believe in God.
I know Him.
He knows me.

I know that God is alive and real. I know that He is the truth. He is our Saviour, our Redeemer. He is the beginning and the end.

I saw Him in the big blue eyes of our oldest daughter the moment we first met. As I held her, only minutes old, I knew that only God could have done something this amazing. Only God could be this wonderful.

He was there the day our triplets were born. He was in the corner of the room giggling from all the madness that was going on. He directed the hands of the three doctors and 12 nurses that helped our girls enter the world that day. He walked each little 5 1/2 lb newborn baby girl to the NICU to be cared for and He never left their sides.

He held my husband’s hand the day our son was born. He reminded him that He was in control and had gone before us. The trials that we faced in the days following our sons birth would test our strength, physically and emotionally. God was there. He never left. He had already hand-picked the blood donors. He had already filled the doctor with the knowledge and ability to get us through. He was there. He never left.

I don’t believe in God.
I know Him.
He knows me.

He was there the day my father took his life. He held his limp body, cradled him, shed tears for him and released him from his pain. He was there the night I found out. He held my limp body, cradled me, wipe the tears from my face and then he released me from all those years of pain. He forgave us, both of us. Then he set us free.

He was standing behind my mom the moment my stepdad took his last breath. He held her up and gave her the strength to make decisions they both knew were right but inconceivable to have to make. He carried my stepdad to heaven that day, gave him a beautiful seat close to Him so that he could watch his family from the best seat in the house.

I don’t believe in God.
I know Him.
He knows me.

God knows my name and I’ve heard him say it many times. I’ve seen His smile in the most joyous moments of my life and I’ve felt His loving hands in the hardest days I’ve ever endured.

He knows my name.

I know Him.
I know that He is not a myth or a man posing in the mall. He’s not a story that we tell, He is the truth that saved our lives. I know that He doesn’t sneak in and out of my house in the middle of the night as to not be detected but instead makes His presence known at all times.

He restores us and makes us new. He forgives us and gives us new life. He goes before us and carries us through. He is ferociously strong with the most gentle touch. He is the King of Kings. He is my Father.

I don’t believe in God.

I know Him.

He knows me.

One thought on “Why I don’t believe in God.

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