Test Me

love Jesus

*repost*

You know what I’m tired of?

Faking it!

What would happen if we decided to post nothing but the truth on Facebook? YIKERS!

What would happen if the words that came out of our mouths were only the truth and we had no control over it. EEEK!

I’m not calling us liars but I think that we tend to pad the truth. God forbid we actually admit that there are dirty dishes piled in the sink or that we want to punch our husbands in the mouth sometimes.

Why do we do that?

Why are we so concerned with everyone thinking that our lives are perfect  instead of getting honest, getting deep and getting real. It’s not going to make people walk away from us and if it does than those people weren’t supposed to be there in the first place.

I’ve listed some of my confessions before  but let me give you a few more.

When my kids scream my name I sometimes pretend that I can’t hear them.

When my boss asks if I stopped by a certain account I sometimes lie.

I don’t necessarily iron my clothes, it’s more of a hard shake and if I have time  they spend about 10 minutes in the dryer.

Dinner sometimes consisted of frozen waffles, cooked of course but not really cut up with syrup, we call them circle waffles and it makes them sound fun.

Instead of emptying out the blow up pool and putting fresh water in, I put a cup of bleach in at night and consider it to be a chlorinated pool.

I don’t run every morning and I certainly don’t track it on an app and post it so that everyone can see how ambitious I am. In all honesty my running tracker would track me to the refrigerator and back and that’s about it.

I eat cookie dough straight out of the tub but I wait until my kids go to bed so that I don’t have to share.

There is about 5 pounds of crumbs, hair bands, spoons and Cheerios underneath my couch cushions.

Now deeper and more honest.

I’m obsessed with my father’s suicide. I pretend that I’m not but I am. The hotel where he took his life, the one that I said I stop going to, that might not necessarily be the whole truth. I drove by it today and saw that the maid was “the room” with the door open. If I didn’t have another person in the car with me I would have stopped and peaked in.

My marriage was five minutes away from divorce. Okay I lied it was about one minute away from divorce and I didn’t care.

One night when my two month old triplets were up ALL NIGHT LONG, one sick pneumonia, my husband had been out-of-town for 9 days and I hadn’t slept at all, I turned to her sweet face and told her “You have got to shut the F&$@ up before I completely freak out.” And that is a direct quote.,, I can almost hear child protective service pulling in to my driveway .

I sometimes hate parents that will never have to deal with an autistic child.

I’m jealous of people who have money to burn.

I suck at my job.

Sometimes I suck at being a mom and even more than that I suck at being a wife.

I get mad at God, often.

Are you ready to click the X in the right hand corner of your screen and get out of this post yet? I am, but I think that I’m just now starting to get fired up so hold on!

We are so beautifully flawed, all of us.

If we all had the lives we try live out on facebook, instagram and twitter or even the ones we semi-fake when we walk out of the protective walls of our homes,  we would be a pretty sad bunch.

It’s okay to have broken parts. It’s okay to have a jagged past. It’s okay to have dishes in the sink.
You are not alone.

Not only am I confident that God is always with us but I am confident that every single one of us has a cross to carry, at that’s ok. Jesus carried the heaviest cross and He was without sin so who do we think we are to believe we are entitled to anything, especially a burden free life.

God gives us test so that we will have a testimony. Without a testimony how do we lead others to His kingdom. How can we listen and council to friends if we can’t relate.

I am thankful that God took my marriage to the edge and threaten to push it off if we didn’t get our act together, get right with Him and get right and real with each other. I am even more thankful that he took my marriage to the edge when I get an email from a friend in need of support because hers or his marriage is being tested, thank you God for giving me the tools to relate.

I have gotten to the point that I welcome and almost beg for God to give me trials so that I can grow, learn, heal, reveal, relate and testify because without any of that nothing about this life would make any sense.

In an email from a friend, she wrote ” inside I just am screaming will someone please validate and reassure me that I am worthy to be loved and God has a Huge Plan for me and my kids!!!! Ugh! Pretty pitiful?!?!?”

Pitiful?
Not a chance.
Brave? Absolutely.

To you and to my friend: You are worthy. God loves you and not because you can rock a craft off of Pinterest or that you can run 3/6/9 miles every morning  or how perfectly decorated your bathroom is. His love for you is not measured by the cleanliness of your home, your ability to exercise, your rank at work or what a perfect parent you are.
He loves you because you are flawed He loves you because you are His, He created every detail about you. Through His eyes you are worth more that precious jewels and nothing could ever change that.

 

You can rest. Perfection is boring. Others need to hear your testimony. Others need to see your cracks and stains. It’s not only okay, it’s beautiful.

Lets pray

“Merciful Father, bring peace to our heart when you give us tests and help us to stand tall in Your word so that we can be an example to those whose faith is wavering. Give us trials that we can turn into testimonies so that we can help fill your kingdom with more brothers and sisters. In Jesus name, amen” .

One last confession.

My inspection sticker on my car is expired! I’m living on the edge!!

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