Not Just Another Monday: The Day My Dad Committed Suicide

another monday

My Stressful Day

One Monday I left the house frazzled, irritated and worried. I didn’t have any other choice but to go to work. I was covering another sales reps vacation so I couldn’t call in.

My daughter was very sick and I had a feeling that we would be headed to the emergency room at any moment.

I hurried about my day doing a half-hearted job. All I wanted to do was get home. I wanted to snuggle up with my husband and kids and get out of the cold wet weather.

I was mad at the person who had taken the week off, even though they had nothing to do with the stress I was having. I was mad at my husband who had the luxury of staying home with our sick daughter, even though it really wasn’t a luxury and I was mad at myself for being a working mother.

After work I had to run to the store to get medicine and something quick for dinner.

Across Town…

A few miles across town my dad was buying a calling card at Target. He had to make a few phone calls before the end of the night and only wanted to use his prepaid phone or maybe he wanted to use the hotel phone to make a long distance call. HisΒ  walk to Home Depot from Target was uphill and even though he was tired and his knee hurt he felt that he had no other choice but to go. By the time he got to Home Depot he was cold and wet. The doors to automatically opened and invited him in.

My frustration grew. I went up and down several aisles finding everything that I needed for that night. I hate long lines at the grocery store and I can’t believe people still actually write a check at the cash out. Debt cards people, debit cards! I was about to blow a fuse.

It was raining outside and the long walk across the parking lot was a burden to me. By the time I got to the car I was cold and wet.

My dad went directly to the aisle that had what he wanted, there was no need to go up and down any other isle. He got what he needed and headed to the check out line. He waited in line for a while with his single item in hand. The long line didn’t bother him, it was only prolonging where he had to go and he was okay with that. He paid and got into a taxi. It was raining and cold and he would have never made it across that highway on his own two feet.

Another Tomorrow

I pulled into the garage and hurried inside. My husband had a fire going in each fireplace and it smelled like Christmas. I was so relieved to be home with my family. I threw the groceries on the kitchen counter and started to unload everything. I decided to put my work day aside and forget about it. I was tired, worn out and had enough… there’s always tomorrow.

My dad used the credit card looking key to enter his room. He threw the bag from Home Depot on the bed and sat down. He made a list of the things he needed to make sure were taken care and sent a single email to his girlfriend “Tell my kids that I love them”. He was tired, worn out and he had enough…there just couldn’t be a tomorrow.

All the bags were put away and all the kids were fed. Once my family was settled in for the night and everyone was in their beds, I laid down and let the weight of the world exit from my mind.

My dad finished eating while sitting on the hard hotel bed. Still cold from the rain, he took a few last sips of his drink and then emptied the Home Depot bag. He took is purchase, walked into the bathroom, and took his life. As he sat down on the cold bathroom floor and let the weight of the world exited from his body.

What He Did To Me

I have not been the same since that day. I can’t seem to hold a grudge or be quick to anger. I think that I love everyone, and I mean everyone. I have forgiven any offense against me and I beg for the forgiveness of others for my offenses on them. I no longer have the ability to hate. I no longer have the ability to judge. I can’t leave an argument on the table, I must resolve it. I love in a way that I never thought possible. I have the urge to have more children, several more. I want to love on my husband and kids so much that it smothers them. I want to pull over on the highway and tell the homeless man with the sign just how much I love him .

Most importantly I want to make sure that everyone in my life knows who the son of God is and what He did for them. I want to make sure that they are my brothers and sisters. I want to make sure that they know that Jesus died on the cross for them so that they can live in heaven with our Father. I don’t want to waste another day not knowing.

I can’t risk hating someone. I can’t risk not forgiving someone. I can’t risk not speaking to someone. I can’t risk holding a grudge. I can’t risk missing the chance to say “I love you”. I can’t risk trying to prove a point.

I can’t risk a no tomorrow.

I can’t risk thinking that it’s just another Monday.

I know for a fact that when you least expect it you will realize that there is no tomorrow, maybe not for you but for someone in your life.

That grudge is too heavy to carry and holding it proves nothing.

It’s time.

It’s time to let it go. It’s time to move forward. It’s time to forgive and forget.

It’s not worth holding on to, I promise.

I promise.


I haven’t been in to a Home Depot since that day and can hardly drive through the parking lot. I fear accidentally ending up in the isle that he purchased what he took his life with. I pray that one day God gives me the courage to walk through the doors.

4 thoughts on “Not Just Another Monday: The Day My Dad Committed Suicide

  1. Forgiveness is powerful! And, it invites healing and growth into our very being. Thank you for being vulnerable enough to share your story. That takes a lot of courage. I am 100% positive it will help someone; many. And I am so very sorry for the loss of your father. From one sister in Christ to another, many hugs and prayers of comfort to you from me. God bless.

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