Children Should Not Be “In A Relationship”

My teenage daughter loves to call me “modest mom” and “safety parent”. However, she’s very clear on our expectations and how we want her to represent herself to her peers.

She has a very strong and close relationship with her daddy and stepdaddy and that will make a huge difference in her life as she enters the dating world. She is a child of divorce but we have made it a point to never let her feel that way. Her daddy, stepdaddy, stepmommy and I all make every effort to let her know that we all love each other, respect each other and that we are all equally her parents. None of us have ever used her as a weapon against each other and we have never spoken an unkind word about each other to her. We make it a point to never involve her in adult situation so she is allowed to be a child for as long as possible.

Her daddy and I never want to project what happened in our marriage on to her or to have her ever think that it was in any way her fault. It wasn’t.  It is our number one goal to let her know that we love each other and that she is free to love each of us and her step parents without the guilt of hurting one of our feelings. She is not a pawn, a weapon or a tool for us to get what we want. We all decided long ago to be close friends, set our feelings aside and do what is right for her.

As crazy as she may think we all are I pray that we are doing it right. This article came across my facebook and reassured that our strictness, modesty and every effort to prolong being “in a relationship” is worth it. These are children and we need to make sure that they are allowed to be children for as long as possible. Letting them have boyfriends/girlfriends at such a young age is dangerous and setting them up for adult issues that they should not ever know about now or ever.

2 thoughts on “Children Should Not Be “In A Relationship”

  1. At what age does a child become an adult? In the past hundred years society has drastically changed the answer to that question but biology hasn’t. In forbidding your child from doing something that biologically they are ready to do are you simply fostering rebellion and secrets? “But she isn’t emotionally ready.” Who ever is? Isn’t it better to walk with her through the process of learning and growing in a relationship rather than forbidding something that is both natural and right?

    • I know that my 13 year old daughter is not emotionally ready to deal with the break up process. Physically she is not considered a woman yet and I don’t feel like putting her in a position to experience adult feelings physically or emotionally would a benefit to her. We talk daily about what is to come in the dating/marriage world and pray each night for her future husband. I don’t forbid her from doing anything, I talk to her about consequences of her actions on herself and others. We guide her, set examples for her and teach her right from wrong. She will make mistakes, we all do and she is confident that all four of her parents will stand my her and love her through it. We are an open book and will answer any question she might have honestly. We speak openly about what sex is and how amazing it will be when she experiences it with her husband, the husband that God already has picked out for her. We also talk to her about respecting her husband now, praying for him now and saving special moments just for him. Obviously not everyone sees it the way that her parents see it and that’s their choice. Our choice is to teach her modesty and to let her be a child for as long as possible no matter what society chooses for their children. She will have plenty of time to be an adult but will never get another chance to be a child.

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