Our oldest daughter had a friend spend the night on Friday. I could hear giggles coming from the living room well into the night. All I could think about was how glad I was that the next morning wasn’t going to start at the crack of dawn to my annoying alarm.
I fell soundly asleep knowing that I wouldn’t have to wake up at any certain time. Ahhh peace.
I was startled in the middle of a dream to the sound of text message alert on my phone. Since it was 7:30am on a Saturday and anyone who knows me knows that they shouldn’t call before 9am, I was instantly worried that something was wrong.
I rolled over and tried to focus my eyes on the text that was from my oldest daughter.
“Mom can we go get doughnuts”
This child has got to be kidding me. I was tempted to text her back and tell her to find a new home.
I politely text her back and told her to have some respect and consideration and to not text me with something so silly at 7:30am on one of the few days that I get to sleep in and relax.
I decided that I would let her continue to live in our house for at least another year or so.
Saturday night she went to stay at my little sisters house. They had big plans to wake up at 5am and go to my sisters volleyball tournament. At dinner that night we all teased about them having to wake up so early and I bragged that I got to sleep in.
At 6:40am on Sunday morning my text message alert went off. I shot out of bed wondering who died and if someone hadn’t died, someone was about to.
“mom, can you bring us something to eat”
Oh my goodness this child is on the verge of being sent to military school.
I wasn’t polite in my response this time and had to actually not make myself cuss over text. I was more angry that she had just been told not to do that than I was over being woken up again. She directly disobeyed me.
And NO I did not take them something to eat.
I plotted my revenge later in the day and went over and over in my head how I was going to chew her out when I picked her up. I was disappointed and slightly irritated.
When I drove up to get her and she came out of the tournament with my stepmom, she seemed as cheery as ever. Well good for her and her good mood. She slid into her seat, gave me her big cheery smile and said “thank you for picking me up mom, I love you”.
My lecture was cut short and my plans of revenge washed away. I was still upset with her but I love her so much and have to understand that she is just a kid, my kid. If the worst thing that she doesn’t the age of 13 is text me early in the morning then I really shouldn’t complain. She could not text me at all or even talk to me for that matter.
All was forgiven and we spent the rest of the day as our usual silly selves.
I did not bring up the early text messages again and there was no way that she was going to bring it up. We wiped it away and kept no record of it.
I wonder how many times I have irritated my heavenly Father the way that my daughter irritated me this weekend. I wonder how many times I have asked Him for a favor at an inappropriate time. I wonder how many times I have had to look up at Him with worry on my face and remind Him that I love Him and that I am sorry.
I wonder how many times He has had to forgive me.
I’ll never know the number because He keeps no record of our sins. He holds no grudge against our disobedience and forgives us before we even commit the sin.
He does it because of His love for us. We are children, His children. He knows that we will all, without a doubt, sin and fall short of His glory.
If our heavenly Father, the King of King, Yahweh, Lord of all creations does not keep a record of our sins, why do we keep a record of each others?
Why do we throw our sins in each others faces?
Why do we use each others sins to gain power over each other?
Why do we hang on to each others sins to keep ourselves labeled the victim?
Why do we gossip about each others sins and use them to form alliances?
God keeps no record so why do we.
Are you holding on to something? Are you using someone else sins for your gain? Are you gossiping about another’s sin to gain power. Are you using someones sin to hurt them or hurt their family?
Is someone using your sin? Is someone holding on to your sin?
Have you ever heard the saying that “holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die”.
It’s time to put the poison down.
Merciful Father thank you for wiping the slate clean with the blood of your son. Thank you for never using our sins against us and for loving us through it all. Help each of us to treat each other the way that you treat us. Teach us how to let go of each others sins and to never use them against each other. Show us how to be more like you and less like us. In Jesus name, amen.
I desperately wanted to text my daughter at 5am today just to tell her that I was awake. Then I remember how God never reminds me of my past sins and I had to stop and remind myself of how I would want to be treated. Maybe I’ll just reset her alarm to go off at 5am tomorrow and act like I have no idea how it happened.