Dropping The Ball
In 2012 I waited all year for the ball to drop.
I don’t mean the lighted one that drops at midnight on the new year. I mean the bad news ball. The ball that crushes my world each year. The ball that the devil carries in his hands ready to throw at me.
In 2009 my aunt died very suddenly and it completely rocked my family. Exactly two week later my grandmother died. Another ball that satan threw at us.
In 2010 my daughter was officially diagnosed with Autism. A ball we couldn’t dodge.
That same year my marriage hit rock bottom. The devil was smiling at how hard he nailed us with that one.
2011 came around and I just knew that nothing could be worse than 2010. I made it all the way to December of 2011 without being pegged by the devil.
Then my dad committed suicide.
That ball had spikes and hurt worse than any of the previous ones.
So in 2012 I sat guarded, waiting for it to come. I wasn’t going to be caught off guard like I had the previous years. I would be ready for the fight. I would be standing at my door with shield and sword waiting for the devil to try to make his way into my house again. There was no way that I was going to let go and let my walls down.
I was ready.
Bring it on.
I’ll show the devil just how prepared I can be for his bad news.
He never showed.
As a matter of fact, He couldn’t even get in my neighborhood. Had my family finally built up our faith enough to have a protective force field over our home? Not really.
In 2012 my husband and I finally had enough faith in God and ourselves that we were able to turn everything over to him. Everything. We gave in to God plan for us and put our faith in the fact that everything He puts in our lives is for the good. It’s true, read this:
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, whohave been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28.
It turns out, all those balls that the devil threw at me turned out to be blessings in disguise. I couldn’t see it while I was in the thick of it but when I look back it seems so obvious.
2012 brought more blessings than I can count. God gave me W3 and the start to a youth program. God gave me a renewed passion to be His hands and feet. He set my heart on fire. God gave my husband abundant blessings and spiritual gifts. God gave my kids compassionate teachers and the courage to just be themselves.
God gave me confidence to tell my story.
I wish that I hadn’t spent most of it “on guard” and just relaxed and let God instead. So, that’s my goal for 2013. I’m going to surrender completely to God’s will for me and my family. No matter what happens I will embrace it. My resolution is to become more like my daughters.
I want to me more like Bella.
She is hilarious and very quick witted. She begs to go to church and is the first one dress and standing at the door on bible study night. Her passion to learn Gods word is something that I can’t even wrap my mind around. She is also a major daddy’s girl which makes me happy and jealous all at the same time. I am so thankful for their relationship and secretly wish that I had had the same with my dad. I want her desire, her humor and her compassion.
I want to be more like Justin.
She is completely herself all the time. She is goofy and smart. I can’t imagine what it takes to store the knowledge that she absorbs. She’s honest to a fault. There’s not sugar coating anything in her world. It is exactly what you see. She can rock bright orange earphones and make them look good. She can scream “Australia” and it makes you want to listen. Her fashion sense is all her own and she is fearless in showing it off. She isn’t like anyone else in the world and that makes me happy and jealous at the same time. I am happy that she is a one of a kind and I’m jealous that I’m not able to surrender the way that she does. I want her free spirit, confidence and love of being silly.
I want to be more like Myleigh.
I’ve never met someone with as much faith as this little girl. She talk to Jesus like she does all her friends. On Christmas she never wavered on celebrating Jesus birthday instead of getting gifts for herself. She writes letters to Jesus and puts them outside so he can come get them. She reminds Jesus to wear a jacket when it’s cold. She reads her bible in snuggled up in bed. She is the sweetest, most loving little girl who wears a constant smile on her face. He love for the Lord makes me jealous and happy at the same time. I am happy that her heart is so convicted and jealous that I haven’t convicted mine the same way. I want her faith, her heart for the Lord and her ability to smile through anything.
I want to be more like Stiles.
She is honest to a fault and will be the first one to tell on herself. When she gets home from school we get a play by play of every little detail. She has a servants heart and loves to volunteer. There isn’t a better big sister out there, she is loving and sensitive to her little sisters. She proudly wears a purity ring and knows her value in the eyes of the Lord. That makes me jealous and happy at the same time. I am happy that she knows that she is worth more than precious jewels and I am jealous because it took me so long to figure it out. I want her heart to serve, her compassion for others and her honest heart.
I pray that my girls never move from their position with Christ. I pray that they are examples for their peers and for anyone who has the privilege to meet them. I pray that their purity is protected by the Lord and never challenged by the devil. I pray that they will always want to be my little girls.
I want to be the hands and feet of Jesus. I want to love the unlovable and reach the least of them. I want to make a difference. I want to forgive without stipulations and love without boundaries. I want to completely surrender to God and let Him use me the way that He wants to. I don’t want to get in His way, I want to be His way. I want to be a submissive wife and Godly mother. I want to be Myleigh, Justin, Bella, Madison and Stiles all rolled into one. God have your way with me in 2013.
My prayer for you
Loving Father show us how to be more like you and less like ourselves. Teach us how to surrender to your will and how to stop begging for ours. Let us be your hands and feet. Help us to grow your kingdom and gain more brothers and sisters. Make us examples of your love by our actions and not our words. In your sons unmatchable name Jesus Christ. Amen.