Today, Tomorrow Or The Day After That.

today tomorrow next day

“So be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you have to endure many trials for a little while. These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold — though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world.” 1 Peter 1:6 – 7

365 Days

Today can make me bitter or today can make me better.

My dad committed suicide a year ago today. Maybe it was a year ago tomorrow or maybe the day after that. I will never know.

His death certificate reads “date found” instead of date deceased or date died, whatever they put on there. No one knows when he actually did it. It’s kind of haunting.

The last time anyone heard from him was on the 5th and that is also the day he shopped for his own noose at Home Depot. I know this because of the receipt that was in his pocket when he died.

They didn’t find him until the 7th and we were not told until the 8th.

It’s going to be a long few days for me.

Beauty From The Ashes

I’ve had some anxiety about this day arriving for the past few months. I have kept that to myself for the most part.

Then I started receiving notes from my friends, little reminders that they were praying for me and that they love me. Most of these notes were from friends that I have gained through W3 or friendships that have been renewed or strengthened through W3.

They started to do their work on me.

They started to change me.

Today, Tomorrow Or The Day After That

I’m not going to be sad today,  tomorrow, or the day after that. I’m not going to repeat that eulogy in my head. I’m not going to picture my father on the floor of that bathroom. I’m not going to dwell on Home Depot, a bag of shirts, a death certificate, the phone call from my brother, a cross in the middle of nowhere or a single moment of my past with my dad.

I am going to give thanks for every blessing that God has poured out onto me over the past year.

Thank you God for W3 and letting me have words to put down. Thank you for giving this to me.
Thank you God for renewed friendships, new friendships and changed friendships.
Thank you God for the peace, grace and mercy you have given to me.
Thank you God for the crazy faith that you have filled me with and the fire you have ignited inside me.
Thank you God for giving me the ability to know and show true forgiveness.
Thank you God for the cross and what it means to me now.
Thank you God for letting my dad walk through your gates and to your feet.
Thank you God for any life that you have allowed me to touch through your W3 ministry.

Today is not the anniversary of my dads suicide, neither is tomorrow or the day after that.

Today is the anniversary of my renewed life and faith in Gods ultimate plan.

If he died a year ago today or tomorrow or the day after that, it doesn’t matter. He is in heaven and it doesn’t matter when he got there. It doesn’t matter what was in his pocket or where he went that day. It doesn’t matter what his death certificate says or where his ashes remain.

What matters is what comes after. It matters what I do with it today, tomorrow and the day after that.

Today can make me bitter or today can make me better.

Let’s pray

Merciful Father thank you for the sacrifice of your son so that even someone like my dad can spend eternity in heaven praising your great name. Thank you for giving us enough grace that all we have to do to be able to enter your kingdom is to believe in your son Jesus Christ. Thank you for forgiving our sin no matter how big or small. Thank you for forgiving us and giving us the ability to forgive others. Thank you for writing my name in the palm of your hand right next to my dads name. In Jesus name, amen.

Dad,

I pray that you are rested and renewed in your new home in heaven. You are forgiven here on earth just like you are forgiven there with our Savior. I hope that your home in heaven is the mansion that you always wanted and that the closets are filled with snake skin boots, Polo style short sleeved shirts, 1000 pairs of Levi jeans, a pair of bright white tennis shoes and a super comfortable bath robe. I pray that God has supplied you with a barber that knows how to cut your hair in a way that that says “business in the front, a party in the back”. I pray that all the TVs in your home play images of your kids and grandkids and that you finally have a chance to see who we have become. I pray that God gave you the voice of an angel and that when you sing His great name in praise, the beauty that comes out of your mouth surprises even you.  Sing dad.

I love you.

Your daughter.

.

3 thoughts on “Today, Tomorrow Or The Day After That.

  1. This is beautifully written. God gives us His Holy Spirit who is our comforter and councilor. God makes all things beautiful in His time and that means for your dad too. Makes us love Our Heavenly Father all the more. Thank you.

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