Well Renee is at it again. She wrote for us this week and I couldn’t be more proud of her. She’s starting to get pretty brave these days. Take it away Renee.
Growing Up Too Fast
I left home at 16. At 17 I had my son, graduated High School and got married. At 20 I became a single mom. I never really was a teenager. Having a child so young tends to make you grow up real fast. I would never change any of it. But there is sadness.
I regret that my mom and I don’t have a mother/ daughter relationship. It breaks my heart that I am not the son she always wanted,( hence-Renee). I am an only child. She got cancer at a young age and so she was never able to have more children. Just me. Only me.
I’m not sure that she will ever forgive me for my teenage years. I skipped school, didn’t make straight A’s, lied about going to the movies when I was really at a party. Came home drunk once… I can say that I never did drugs, was never arrested, never started fights, never sneaked out of the house, never took the car without permission. But she reminded me everyday how horrible I was.
That’s why I left home.
Changing My Life
I work everyday to follow God. I have always been a believer but have just recently started living with honesty in my heart. She was the first person that I wanted to tell. I wanted to show her that I was different.
I could be this perfect person.
Actions, looks and mind, everything. But still it’s just not enough. I struggle with how she feels about me and I am tired. When I apologized to her for all I had ever done to hurt her I also told her that I had forgiven her for all the times she hurt my feelings. She took it as an insult and denied that she had ever done wrong.
Talk about jaw dropping. When you tell someone that they are forgiven, are they suppose to feel grateful or insulted??
What are your thoughts friends?
Is there that one person out there that you try to please?
That one person who you feel will never except you for you?
Does it break your heart?
We can’t beat our self up when it comes to forgiving. Whether you need forgiveness or need to forgive. I pray everyday for both…people who I have hurt and people who have hurt me. We talk a lot about this topic here at W3! Mostly because It may very well be the hardest to overcome. It’s something that we will go through for the rest of our lives, because unfortunately we can’t control others words or intentions.
We can only control us!
Heavenly Father thank you for the unconditional love and forgiveness that you so willingly pour out on us. Your grace is more than we could ever beg for. Please help us to have peace in our hearts for the loss of relationships that have been destroyed by earthly feelings and things. We know that you are good all the time and we take rest in that. In Jesus name, amen.