I’m A Lousy Mom

Solo Parenting

My husband was out of town all last week so I was parenting my herd of girls solo. Many many years ago I was a single parent to our oldest daughter but this time around was a whole new thing. Six year old triplets take a more than one set of hands.

Getting the girls off to school, fed, dressed and hopefully with their teeth brushed was a huge task. I can’t honestly say that they all brushed their teeth everyday and there is a possibility that on more than one occasion they went to school in dirty socks (shirts, skirts and pants).

This wasn’t the best week for my husband to have to leave town.

On Tuesday I had to speak at a fundraiser. On Wednesday I had to take the girl to bible study and teach a class. On Thursday morning I had to sit through a three hour meeting at my daughters school with a bunch of specialists and her teacher to map out a plan for her future education and special needs.

I’m already a terrible housekeeper so keeping up with all that cleaning was more pressure than I had expected. My youngest triplet even said “You’ve had to do everything mommy, even the laundry. You know, because dad always does the laundry and takes out the trash and sissy does the dishes”. Ouch. Who do you think cooks around here kid!!

Lousy Mom

The defining moment of my week as a solo parent was when we were leaving bible study Wednesday night.

My 6 year old autistic daughter was mad because we were packing boxes for Operation Christmas Child and she couldn’t understand why she couldn’t pack a box for herself. As we all sat with the kids and listened to them take turns praying over the boxes, my little Justin started loudly proclaiming that she was ready to go home. I was taking my time enjoying the kids and soaking in the sight of their faces light up as the prepared gifts. But my Justin was relentlessly hounding me to leave.

I called it quits and packed the family up a little early. Yep, I bailed on the other bible study teacher and the kids.

As we were leaving Justin started grunting at me because she was so irritated and because I am so mature I started grunting back at her. It escalated. Quickly.

In the middle of the parking lot Justin stopped, turned to me and said “Mom, you are just really lousy”. I didn’t doubt her judgement.

I had woken up extra early each day, scrambled to get through the day and to make sure they were taken care of. I had stood in front of 100 men and cried thanks to them for giving to Morgans Wonderland and sobbed through the story of my little Justin. I had sat through a three hour, extremely detailed, heart wrenching meeting to defend my little Justin’s rights and I had even taken them out for ice cream! All of that and she calls me lousy for not jumping on her demand to go home.

His time, not ours

I do this to the one who cares for me.

All day, everyday God is by my side. He makes sure that I arrive safely and depart on time, His time.

He makes sure that I am fed and have a roof over my head. He calms me when I am scared and He reminds me to be thankful.

He gives me the power to forgive.

He speaks on my behave. He makes sure that my life plan is set out for me. He sits through my boring hours with pride and He defends my honor.

He does all of that for me and then I grunt at Him when He doesn’t answer my prayers right when I want Him too. I want things now and He takes His time to answer them when He knows is the right time.

I may or may not have, on more than one occasion, turned my face to the sky and said “God you are just really lousy!’.

You don’t have to admit it out loud but have you ever felt that way? Have you ever been mad at God for not jumping on your prayers right away? Have you ever rolled your eyes at Him or even doubted that He was listening.

I want it now!
I want to go home now!
I want a new car now!
I want my marriage fixed now!
I want a partner now!
I want children now!
I want the cancer to go away now!
I want to be in heaven now!
I want to see Your face now!
Answer me, NOW!

Any of that sound familiar? It does to me.

Oh how amazing is our Savior. Oh how perfect is His timing.

Have you ever looked back on your life and realized how perfect God’s plan really is and how if He would have answered your prayers (demands) when you wanted Him to, it would have been a mess?

I have. Thank you sweet heavenly Father for making me be patient.

If you are wringing your hands with anxiety over when God is finally going to bless you, or fix you or answer whatever it might be that you cry out to Him for, be still.

He has perfect timing, not us. He knows what our future holds, not us. He has gone before us and knows exactly what we need, not us.

Be still. Have faith. Do not be anxious. Be patient.

The night that Justin proclaimed me to be lousy, I still tucked her into bed, kissed her head and reminded her how much I love her and that I will still go to the ends of the earth for her. So, if by chance, you find your self in a moment of weakness with your head tilted towards heaven screaming at God about how lousy He is, remember that He loves you and forgives you. You are only human and He knows that we are weak. It makes Him loves us even more.

Let’s Pray

Merciful Father thank you for listening to our prayers and answering them on your time and how you want to answer them. Help us to have faith in your plan for us and help us to surrender to you. We are weak and impatient without you but we know that if we rely on you and have faith in your plan then our lives will be greater than we could have ever dreamed. When we are stuck wanting our prayers answered now, gently remind us that you have gone before us. In Jesus name, amen.

This week at school the triplets had to tell their teachers what they are thankful for. Myleigh said that she was thankful for her mommy…awww. Bella said that she was thankful for God….be still my heart. Justin said that she was thankful for Turkeys, because they give her hugs…I think that’s lousy!

2 thoughts on “I’m A Lousy Mom

  1. Candice
    I am so moved by your writings. You have made a difference in my life. I think about you everyday. I would love to catch up.

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