When I was in highschool my dad would pick me up almost everyday at lunch time and take me to eat. I didn’t ask him to pick me up and to be honest with you I wish he hadn’t. There was always chaos and weirdness going on around him and I didn’t want to be a part of it.
A few times he picked me up and left me sitting in the car while he ran to a “meeting”, we never even made it to lunch. I literally sat there for an entire hour in the car. Since it was back in the old days I didn’t have a cell phone to play on the internet or play games. It was just me and the radio.
In his eyes I must have been more of a side kick than a daughter. He would pick me up from school because he wanted a buddy to hang out with. He was bored and wanted someone to ride in the car with him. I was stuck with the job.
It finally got to the point that when I would get that pink slip in class letting me know that he was there to pick me up, I would go hide in the athletics office until he gave up waiting for me.
My father also had a problem with prescription pills. He loved them and he loved to give them to me. As a Junior in highschool I can remember the bottom of my purse being littered with little blue pills. My dad had given them to me and told me to take them whenever I wanted, they would help me relax. You might guess that he never won Father Of The Year.
I started taking those little blue pills and I liked them. The problem was that they made me a zombie. I had no idea at the time that I was taking xanex and lots of it. I would usually take them at lunch and then be a complete waste for the second half of the day. I failed two classes that year, I simply couldn’t keep myself together.
I remember having to face my cheerleading team and let them know that I would not be able to go with them to the biggest competition of the year because of my grades. Tears were running down my face when I told them but it wasn’t because I was sad that I couldn’t go to the competition, I was crying because I was angry at who I was.
More of those little blue pills helped me not care about what I had done to my team or myself and the more that I took the more I could forget who I had become.
My relationship with my father ended that year and the pill well at the bottom of my purse ran dry. I started to become me again. I was never a straight A student and was always a little rebel but at least I knew where I was and what I was doing. Sometimes I wish I could be that girl again and hide who I really am.
Taking The Pain Away
Have you ever had a vice to help you mask who you think you are? Do you ever fake a smile so that the people around you can’t see what’s really going on? What about having a few drinks to “take the edge off” or digging deep into your purse for the last little blue pill so that you don’t have to deal with what is lined up for you today.
Are you lost and can’t find the strength to make it through this season in your life? Do you you look up and think that there is no way that you are going to make it through what you are in the middle of? Are you preparing yourself to have to face something and can’t seem to find the courage to do it? .
We don’t have to mask ourselves. We don’t have to numb ourselves and we do not have to be afraid. We are weak and can not do it alone. The good news is, we don’t have to.
“My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth.” Psalms 121:12.
That is such a simple and small sentence, isn’t it. However it is a sentence that holds great power. The strength that you need to face your fears, your problems, your heartaches and all the things that you feel are weighing you down will not come from you. We can not handle these things alone.
Our strength comes from the Lord and all we have to do is ask. That is it. He is the defender of the weak and I’ll be the very first to admit that I am weak. If you’ve been waiting on your night in shining armor to come save you, well here He is.
Mighty Father thank you for defending the weak and picking us up when we can no longer walk. Remind us that we do not have to go through life alone because you never leave us. Even in our darkest hour You will be our light. In Jesus name, amen”. We are only as strong as our faith and our prayers.
There is no shame in letting God carry you. As a matter of fact, He is the only one that I would ever let pick me up and feel how much I weigh.