Not Love, Justin

I posted this picture of my daughters note to her triplet sisters on my personal facebook page. We all got a ton of laughs and everyone had something to say about it, most of them super funny. I showed it again to my peeps at work and we laughed again.

I started thinking about it tonight and it actually made me sad. Justin is my autistic daughter and wrote this note on Saturday after cleaning her room with her sisters.

I sometimes forget that the triplets have been together, side by side, since conception. They bathe together, sleep together, eat together, share a room, share their clothes, share their hair brush, toothpaste and on more occasions than I care to admit, they share their toothbrush.

Six years ago they shared a womb and trust me when I say that it was a room of close quarters.

My little Justin likes to be alone, which doesn’t work well when you are a triplet. Don’t get me wrong, she loves her sisters and plays with them in spurts throughout the day but her true happiness is in her alone time.

So, she created this note.

When she proudly presented her work to me I told her that it made me sad that she wrote “not love” and that she should always love her sisters. She took the paper to her room and came back a few minutes later and said “Here, is this better?”.

On the bottom of the note she wrote “I love you mom.” Not really what I was going for but I’ll take it.

Of course the note is hilarious but Justin was serious when she wrote it. She doesn’t know how to be sarcastic, mean or rude but she is extremely black and white and obviously very blunt.

I try to make the triplets as individual as possible. I refused to name them same letter names or rhyming names. I will not dress them alike or even color coordinating.

They aren’t dress up dolls, they are little humans and need their own identity.

They have completely different lunch boxes and backpacks and I have separated them in to different classrooms so that they can have their own friends and teachers. I understand if the matching names, clothes, hair and friends is your thing but it is definitely not mine.

Justin isn’t just one of the triplets, she is Justin.

Can you imagine having to be with someone 24/7? It’s not just one person either, it’s two people that you have to constantly be with!

I love my husband but if I had to be next to him all day, everyday, one of us would end up in the emergency room and it wouldn’t be me.

I’m also pretty fond of my kids but sometimes I can’t lock the door behind them fast enough.

I can guarantee that there is not a single person alive that would want to spend all of their time with me, I’m a mess. I don’t know how God puts up with me.

However, He is the one constant in our lives. He is the one that never leaves us, and I do mean never. He’s even there when you beg Him to leave you alone.

He didn’t just come in to your life when you started thinking about Him or talking to Him, you were actually His idea to begin with.

He created you and knitted you in your mothers womb with His very own hands.

I don’t make this stuff us people, check it out.

“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.” Psalms 139:13.

I’d say that is pretty amazing. How in the world does He not tire from us?

I would turn from me in disgust and never speak to me again if I was Him. His love for us is more unconditional and forgiving than any other love and forgiveness that you have ever experienced.

When you fail, triumph, hide or shine He will never walk away from you. You are loved more than you could ever dream up and there is not a single thing you can do about it.

We might as well accept it and cherish it.

God is our forever. How does He do it?!

And He will never sign a note to you “Not Love”.

Let’s pray

Loving Father thank you for being with us even when we do not deserve you. When we are feeling alone and defeated please put Your loving hand on us and remind us that there is never a moment in our lives that You are not there. Help us to fully accept Your love for us and understand what it means.

In Jesus name, amen

My husband and I are going to work harder on giving Justin some alone time. We thought about letting her have our room for a couple of hours each day but Justin says that she wants her own house. Oh heaven help us!

2 thoughts on “Not Love, Justin

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