I’m A “C+” At Best

My Therapy

I started writing shortly after my fathers suicide. It was my therapy because I was too stubborn to go get real therapy. Plus, blurting it all out to you seems so much more fun and I can’t see you gasping in horror through this computer.

If you stop by here often then you know that this is still my therapy and sometimes I forget to filter myself or consider anyone else feelings, thoughts, beliefs or needs. My mind goes much faster than my fingers and I end up stumbling around on my words.

I never edit my writing before I post it, that one is obvious. I’ll go back and read a post a few days later and crack up at how many mistakes I have made. I know for a fact (because they tell me) that my friends are editing my writing in their heads as they read it. I love it.

I love to picture them rolling their eyes, maybe giggling, definitely breaking out there imaginary red pen and marking through my post right on their computer screens. Some of them bring it up to me in a very soft way as to not hurt my feelings. (Thanks Ash and Melissa.)

And then there’s my sister who will just flat out let me know what a moron I really am. She has never been one to sugar coat anything for me and it’s been my saving grace more times than I care to count.

I once moved out of the house that I was living in with my boyfriend (SINNER!) and moved in to an apartment. I wrote a list of things that I needed at the store and the last thing on the list was a door mat. When I got to the store and pulled the list out I saw that right next to the words door mat she wrote “stop being one”. Thanks Tia for the honesty, you know more than anyone how desperately I need it sometimes.

Filling my empty cup

Ok, where were we?

Oh ya, I sit in bed and write while we are winding down from our day and the kids are already fast asleep. Sometimes I get in bed and I am empty. I do not have a thought in my head or a single thing to say.

No I’m serious, there really are times that I am at a loss for words. Those are the days that I just want to give up. After all it is pretty silly that a girl like me, with a background like mine, would dare to preach about the most amazing, super duper, fantastic, all might Savior that is our Heavenly Father.

I am ill equipped but I really don’t care, I’m going to do it anyways.

My cousin told me the other day that she reads this silly blog every day and talks to her husband about it. They really need to get a hobby or go on a date.

So, I am sitting here tonight completely empty.

My day was uneventful.

My lunch consisted of four variations of lettuce, tomato and avocado on flat bread so I’m starving and a little cranky. I wonder if there’s a box of pop-tarts and a turkey in the refrigerator. .

While I’m sitting here empty with my mind wandering aimlessly, I skip over to my email to see if there is any interesting ad that I might have missed.

My friend has this way of popping in, through email or mail, at just the right time with just the right words. She brilliant and hilarious. She just sent me a novel over email trying to help me sort through my random ideas and crazy dreams. She was able to talk me down from the ledge that I was standing on.

I was on the verge of giving my worldly possessions away and becoming a nomad. I’m sure my husband will thank her later.

She makes me feel like I have a purpose and that even my crazy rants and rambles make a difference.

She fills my cup.

You Matter

Do you sometimes feel like what you are doing doesn’t matter? I do, most of the time.

Why even bother sharing a smile with a stranger? Why even bother letting someone go in front of you in line?

Don’t even get me started on work.

Does selling food to restaurants cure a disease? Does cleaning stables change the world?

Of course not, but everything you do, as long as you are doing it for the glory of God, matters.

This week I stopped by a customers account to take an order and ended up sitting for almost an hour talking about our sweet Savior. That mattered to me and it mattered to her.

Everything that we do matters.

You really have no idea how many people are watching what you do and listening to what you say.

Quit frankly it’s a little intimidating.

I want to set an example for anyone that crosses my path. I want to tell them all about my heavenly Father. I want to show them what they can have with Him.

I don’t have to give away everything and live in a dirt floor, one room hut to make a difference. I can make a difference each and every day by simply letting God shine through me.

It’s okay that I have this silly welcome sign on my front door, it lets people know that they will find love and acceptance in my home. So what if I paid $20 for it.

Fill your cup up and let it flow out on those around you like my sweet friend does for me.

If you are getting your classroom ready for the new school year today, it matters to the children and all of their parents.

If you are staying home and being a mom all day, it matters to your children.

If you are driving a bus, it matters to the people who need a lift.

You matter. You matter. You matter.

You will without a doubt see someone or talk to someone today and how you act and speak will matter to them so let God shine through you and set an example of grace, mercy , love and faith so strongly that it can not be denied. That matters to our heavenly Father.

Let’s pray

“Sweet Father remind each one of us today how unique you made us and that everything we do matters to You and those around us. Do not let discouragement and feelings of worthlessness creep up on us.

Help us to be examples of your love and grace so that the people that we touch each day will be drawn to you the way that we are. Let us show them how much they matter.

In Jesus name, Amen.”

I was tempted to go back and reread this, possible correct my mistakes and filter my words but I didn’t want my smart friends to be bored.

2 thoughts on “I’m A “C+” At Best

  1. I do drive a buss. I think I needed to hear this today. Thank you for letting me know I matter. I dont stick up for myself liek i shoild. i let people walk all over me. Funny I don’t let strangers take advantage of me but I let family.

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