It’s easier for me to blame you rather than owning who I am.

 

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Sometimes I really enjoy being the victim. I don’t like the hurt when it’s fresh but give it some time and it can be used as a crutch.

When I was failing at life in general I could always pull out the “my father was a piece of crap” card or “but I was a single mom” card. It was good to have some crutches when I needed to fake a limp.  The crutches took the focus off of my failures and but it on the  weaknesses in my life.

I could think of a million other things I kept in my back pocket in case I needed to play the victim. When I was a single mom to my oldest we had a lot of fun, had a lot of love, and for the most part lived a pretty good life. She is a wonderful young lady now but I failed in many areas as her parent. I made her my buddy which isn’t always the best plan as a parent. I didn’t take her to church consistently or over her every night. That is a huge failure in my book of parenting.

It was easy for me to make excuses for all of these things that I viewed as failures. I was a single mom in my early 20’s and was trying to figure it all out. Thank God that when I finally realized what kind of parent I wanted and needed to be, it wasn’t too late.

I also used the “but I have triplets” card. I pulled that card out when my house was dirty, when I didn’t make it to church on Sunday, when my bank account was dry, and many many more times.

Those are just the little things. I don’t even want to dip in to all the things that I used my father card on.

My behavior as a teen and in my early 20’s was pretty ugly. I was self destructive and didn’t care about anyone else, much less myself. I carried the father card as close to me as possible, it was a good one to have and I knew it could be used when I was failing as a person. Even recently I carried the “my father committed suicide” card for when I was depressed and neglecting my duties as a wife and mother.

I talk to my friends, and just about anyone else who will listen, about leaving their burdens at the cross and letting God handle the things that weigh us down. I also talk a lot about forgiveness and moving forward. I’ve realize that maybe I need to take my own advice.

The scary part about leaving those things at the cross is that if I do, I won’t have an excuse for when I fail as a mother, wife, Christian, employee or friend. If I don’t have my crutches then I will have to own those failures and that is scary. It’s just so much easier when I can point the finger away from me instead of right at me.

Jesus was born to an unwed teen mom, was for the most part homeless, his cousin was beheaded, spent most of His life being called a liar and was hunted down to be killed. Correct me if I’m wrong (which is most of the time) but I don’t recall a single instance in the bible where Jesus pulled any of those cards out and threw a pity party.

Who do I think that I am? I need to empty my pockets. I need to throw away all of my pity cards. I need to lay my hurts at the cross and leave them there for good. I can’t go back and retrieve them when I need to use them as my crutch. When I give them to God then it is final and there is no going back.

That’s the part that scares me.

I don’t like that those things were ever in my life but I also fear having to own up to my own emotions and behaviors without having an excuse that I can put on someone else.

Do you have a pity card in your back pocket? Heck, maybe you have a whole stack of them at home, I do. Do you hold guilt as close to you as you can? Do you have a bag full of burdens that you carry around with you? It’s time to get rid of them. Get the weight out of your life. Take it to the cross and leave it there once and for all. The temptation to go back and pick it up is simply the devil whispering in your ear.

You were not made to carry the burdens of life, Jesus took that from you when He picked up the cross. We need to unpack our baggage and free ourselves of the weight of the world. It’s simply not ours.

It’s time to leave it at the cross.

3 thoughts on “It’s easier for me to blame you rather than owning who I am.

  1. C–FB isn’t working for me today. I threw away your address. Will you call me asap (sent you the number last weekend) on my cell and give it to me, so I can get this package in the mail? AB

  2. No more Christian “culture”. The religion of Christianity soils the name of Christ with self-focused complacency.

    “You will know them by their fruit” No fruit = no Truth!

    Are you freeing captives, healing the sick, raising the dead, making disciples? Why not, Christian? No more excuses, let’s get in His Word, find/receive the Truth, and live kingdom everyday. The whole earth groans awaiting!

  3. Reblogged this on Candice Curry – W3 and commented:

    Do you have a pity card in your back pocket? Heck, maybe you have a whole stack of them at home, I do. Do you hold guilt as close to you as you can? Do you have a bag full of burdens that you carry around with you? It’s time to get rid of them. Get the weight out of your life. Take it to the cross and leave it there once and for all. The temptation to go back and pick it up is simply the devil whispering in your ear.

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