I’m On Fire!!

My triplets will be starting kindergarten next week. We have year round school here so we start a little earlier than normal school. I had to go pick up their school schedule and school supplies list yesterday and I had a long list of questions that I needed answered. You would have thought that this was my first child starting school. The elementary school that they will be attending is the same school that my oldest went to and the same school that I went to so I am very familiar with it. Even though I am very familiar with the school, I am panicked because my autistic daughter doesn’t exactly march to the same beat as the other kids. In her preschool all the other kids knew that Justin had special rules. That meant that during circle time when all the other kids had to sit down and watch the teacher read, Justin got to walk around the room while she listened because she can’t sit in one spot and focus. So, I showed up to the new school and started with my questions. “Will you warn her before there is a fire drill?” She has auditory processing disorder and loud noises and chaos hurt her ears and make her freak out all together. She covers her ears, folds up into a ball and starts crying.They told me that they will try to warn her ahead of time but if they don’t know that they fire drill is coming then they will make sure that she gets a special place to go. “What about her walking to her class in the morning?” They reminded me that all the kids go to the cafeteria until it is time to go to their room and then they walk with their teachers. “What about her understanding how to get a food tray?” They said that they would have a helper go to lunch with her the first week so that she can learn what to do. “what about…”. The secretary finally stopped me. She has known my family for years and actually was buying gifts for the triplets before they were even born. She reminded me that they all know about Justin’s autism and that they have had several autistic kids come through the school throughout the years. She assured me that Justin would be fine. She also said to me “Stop worrying, if Justin does something different than what we have planned then we will make adjustments and help her.”. What a moron I can be sometimes. Of course they know how to take care of autistic children and of course they were going to take care of my little girl. Plus, she has two sisters right next to her in the same grade and those two sisters look out for her like nothing that i have ever seen before. My daughter will have several people watching over her to make sure that she is not just okay but thriving in that school. Why do I do that? Why do I question over and over when I know deep in my heart that everything is going to be okay? I do the same thing to God. I ask Him over and over if He is sure that this is the plan. I question every move that is made and want to know what is going to happen. I like to pray and ask Him to move a little faster so that I don’t have to worry about what is to come. Who the heck do I think that I am? As I am praying to Him and begging Him for answers and quickness, while I am panicking and anxious, He always seems to lay His gentle hand on my heart and remind me that this is not the first time that He has faced these situations. As a matter of fact ,He already knew this was coming and He went before me to take care of it. In an ironic twist, my autistic daughter tells me everyday before I leave for work to not be afraid because Jesus is always with me. Her sister always tells tells me to remember not to get in a car crash, she worries me. My little girl who I am so worried about is the one telling me to not be afraid. She is more confident in the fact that Jesus goes with us and before us than I am. She is cool as a cucumber and I am a wreak. She is God’s girl. She has an army of angels that will be walking her to class, making sure she gets through lunch okay and if the fire alarm happens to go off, they will be there to comfort her. I sure wish I had her heart, her faith and her trust in the Lord. When the fire alarm in my life goes off I tend to cover my ears,fold up into a ball and start crying. I know that God is on my side so why do I do this. I need to write down Philippians 4:6-7 and but it in place I can see throughout the day.

6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7

Is your fire alarm going off? Mine seems to go off all of the time and I need to let God handle it instead of trying to control it and turn it off myself. I need to stop getting anxious and start getting down on my knees in prayer. Just like my daughter has an army of people who are going to help her get through her tough times, so do I. God sends down His angles to watch over us and to get us through our tough time. All we have to do is call out to Him in prayer and hand it on over to Him. Are you standing there asking questions or are you on your knees in prayer? Let’s pray “Father thank you for the hand of protection that you lay on our heart each day. Remind us that You have gone before us and that Your plan for us is always perfect. When we start spewing questions instead of prayers please put Your gentle hand on us and calm our fears. In Jesus name, amen” In the middles of my panic, my daughter asked me if she could have a lunch box. Of course she can. She then listed every item that she wanted in it each day. She also told me what books she is going to check out at the library. She has a list of friends who she is going to play with on the playground. They are all imaginary friends but I’m good with that.

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