I’m A …..


For years and years I hid from Jesus so that He wouldn’t have to look at me. Even at my best I wasn’t good enough for Him to see. Even when I was a size 2 and rocking the cutest outfits, I still wasn’t good enough for Him to look at. When I started attending a bible study and saw all of the amazing women there, I would shrink as small as I could get so that no one would look at me. All the beautiful women there were dressed in amazing clothes with matching jewelry. It looked like they had just walked out of the salon. I was lucky if my hair was washed. As for my clothes, well I had just given birth to three 5 1/2 pound little girls and my wardrobe consisted of those cute size 2 clothes and maternity clothes. I did the best I could with what I had, it wasn’t pretty. We would break off in to groups and have fellowship. I didn’t want to open my mouth because I just knew that if they figured out who I really was then they would not want me there. What if these women knew that I was on my second marriage or that I had given myself away before marriage. What if they knew all the foul words that spill from my mouth with ease. What if they knew that my marriage wasn’t exactly picture perfect and that I wasn’t really doing anything about it. It’s fair to say that I was kind of a tramp in my early years. I didn’t care about myself and I surely didn’t care about anyone I stomped over. What if they knew that about me. One day while we were sitting in our fellowship of about 7 women I said “But if you only really knew me and the things that I have done and been through”. Our fearless leader turned to me and said “But if we all knew everything that each other had done and been through, myself included.” She went on to remind me that we are all scarred and have all fallen short of Gods glory but the amazing thing is, Jesus loves us just the same. Um Ok but I have done some seriously not so pleasant things. You could say that my hands are filthy. Yep, He still loves me. He doesn’t love me any more or any less than His other children. The fact that i love Him, believe in Him and try my hardest to spread the good news about Him is good enough for Him. All He wants if for us to love Him. That’s it! Are you serious! Done. My sins are forgiven by the blood of Christ and no one, and I mean absolutely no one can ever take that from me. I own it. I wear it. I lock it deep inside my heart. You can call me a tramp. You can say I’m fat. You can say I’m poor. You can say I’m ugly. You can say I had a dad that didn’t care about me. You can say my marriage fell apart. You can say my kid is weird. You can say anything that you want about me and it will never change Jesus love for me. NEVER. When He was nailed to that cross He had me on His mind. When He said “It is finished”, He was saying it for me. He was also saying it for you. He was thinking of you when the nails pierced His wrist. Think about all that you have done and how big you have sinned. Write it on a piece of paper and throw it away because if you are God’s child then those sins are gone. He loves us all the same. Have you heard about the sinful woman, some might even call her a tramp or prostitute, that fell to Jesus feet when he reclined to eat at Simons house? She was full of sin and quit frankly she was dirty. She knelt down to Jesus feet and washed them with her tears and her hair and then poured her most expensive perfume on them. Simon kept quiet but Jesus could hear his thoughts. Simon thought, “Hold up just a second Jesus, this chick’s a tramp. If You only knew how dirty and used she is you would kick her out of Your way. She isn’t clean like the rest of us.” Well sucks to be Simon because Jesus heard His thoughts and answered them.

[40] Jesus answered him, “Simon, I have something to tell you.”
“Tell me, teacher,” he said.
[41] “Two men owed money to a certain moneylender. One owed him five hundred denarii, and the other fifty. [42] Neither of them had the money to pay him back, so he canceled the debts of both. Now which of them will love him more?”
[43] Simon replied, “I suppose the one who had the bigger debt canceled.”
“You have judged correctly,” Jesus said.

Jesus went on to tell Simon that when He entered the house Simon did not offer him water for His feet but this woman used her tears and hair to wash His feet. She also used her most expensive perfume on His feet. She loved Him. She believed in Him. She feel to His feet and kissed them. Jesus loved this woman and forgave her for what she had done.
Do you ever feel unworthy? Do you ever feel dirty or unlovable?. Do you feel not good enough for Jesus to look at? I did and sometimes still do. Jesus loves us all the same. I just can’t say that enough. He loves me as much as He does the woman who has lived an clean, healthy and faithful life. He loves me because I believe in Him and I love Him. I would like to say that if He walked in to my house and reclined in a chair that I would fall to His feet and wash them with my tears and hair but that might be a lie. I would probably be too frozen in awe to even move. Yes, I would fall to my knees but it would be to praise His great name and thank him for what He did for me. He did it for you too. He loves you too. Have you accepted that love? Have you truly accepted it. It’s one thing to walk down the isle of your church and say that you accept Jesus as your savior, it;s a completely different thing to live it. If you haven’t accept Him as your Savior, what the heck are you waiting for? If you have accepted Him,, are you living your life for Him? Are you dropping to your knees with your tears, hair and most expensive perfume ready to serve Him? Let’s pray “Awesome Savior how can we ever be good enough for the sacrifice that You gave for us. Please remind us how much you love us when we are feeling unlovable and wrap your arms around us so that we can remember that Your love surrounds us. In Jesus name, amen”. My favorite part of the women’s bible study that I attend was the days that it was my groups day to bring the breakfast. I make a killer breakfast casserole and it was the one time I felt like I measured up to the other women. I’m usually a poptart level of a woman except when I show up with the casserole and then I rock it.

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