Have you ever been depressed? Not bummed out but down right depressed. There’s a huge difference and I didn’t realize it until lately. I’ve realized that I have been facing depression for several months now. I’m not sure if it started with my fathers suicide or not but it sucks. I have even had to be put on medicine for it. That’s not something that I take lightly because I have always had a “get over it and move on” motto. I looked at people with depression as being weak. What an idiot I am sometimes. The part that really stinks is that it seems to be a vicious cycle. I was put on the medication for depression and anxiety. I think that the anxiety was worse than the depression but does it even matter. The medicine worked but it also made me gain tons of weight and now that makes me depressed. Now I want to get off the meds so that I wont gain anymore weight but I’m afraid of the severe depression and anxiety, which gives me anxiety. DANG IT! It’s not something that you can just snap out of. Trust me I’ve heard all the remedies that people suggest. “Why don’t you start running, then you wont need the meds.” , “You should get up and take a yoga class first thing in the morning.” “It could be worse”, “It’s mind over matter”,”You don’t need that medicine to make you happy.” News flash, I don’t need the medicine to be happy, I need it to make sure that I don’t strangle someone in the middle of them giving me their “get over it and move on” advice. Thanks for the advice, now can you get me out of bed ( a task within itself), wake and feed my children, work my full time job, come home, bath, feed and love on my children all the while maintaining my home and marriage. Oh and while you are doing that I wold like for you to constantly, and I do mean constantly think about my father hanging from a bathroom towel rack. It never leaves, never. I know that people have the same daily routine, I am not making light of it and some handle it better than others. Maybe my wounds are just fresh. Yes, it could be worse. Yes, people suffer far greater than I do. Yes, I should be thankful. I am thankful. I am grateful but I’m also a little pissed and a little tired. Can’t I just feel that way some days? Can’t I just stay in bed and say “I don’t feel like it.,” I love when I get the blessing to minister to someone or listen to their issues or praise our Father together but sometimes I want to kick someone in their teeth. It’s true. I picture Jesus as always having a smile on His face and willing to reach out to people and help them with their problems. I picture Him as always willing to stop what He is doing to help those in need and to listen to their problems. I think that wasn’t always the case. I think that He got sick and tired and irritated. Do you think that He ever just cried out to God to take Him home? I do. Do you think that there were days that He didn’t want to get out of bed and deal with everything that He was headed for? I do. I think that there were days that He laid in bed and said “I don’t feel like it”. He was human after all. Jesus faced depression probably far greater than anything that we have ever felt. Are you sitting there with depression that you think no one could possible understand? Take a look at this. “38 Then he said to them, “My soul is very sorrowful, even to death; remain here, and watch with me.” 39 And going a little farther he fell on his face rand prayed, saying, “My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will.” Matthew 26:38-39. And how about “12 And John’s disciples came and took up the body and buried it. Then they went and told Jesus.13 When Jesus heard it, He withdrew from there privately in a boat to a solitary place. But when the crowds heard of it, they followed Him [by land] on foot from the towns.” Matthew 14:12-13. For crying out loud, He just lost His cousin and people still wouldn’t leave Him alone to grieve. And if you think that Jesus wasn’t depressed the day that Judas kissed Him then you might want to go back and reread it. Jesus faced temptation the same way we do. He cried out to His Father the same way that we do. He begged and pleaded with the Lord the same way that we do. The thing that remains constant is that God is listening and answering. He may not be answering the way that you want Him to but He is answering the way that is best for you. Can you believe that I have asked God to let me watch my dad the day that he committed suicide? Thank God He doesn’t answer our prayers our way. I once begged Him to let me marry a man that wasn’t right for me. Thank God He only answers our prayers His way. Then there are times when He is down right silly. Like the time that my husband and I prayed for Him to let us have one more baby, a boy if He was feeling generous, we ended up with triplet girls. Oh silly silly Savior. Let’s pray “Merciful Father help us to remember that You are always listening to us cry out to You. Gently remind us that You ahve a plan for us and that even the hurt and pain that we face is part of Your plan. When we feel helpless, hopeless and lost please put You hand around our backs and remind us that You are in control. In Jesus name, amen.” Do you think that if I ask God for quadruplet girls He will give me one boy?