I Do (want to punch you in the face)

I met a woman recently and she told me that she wished her mom had told her what marriage was really like. Some of you may have figured me out by now and know that I am pretty straight shooting and will let honesty flow out of my mouth when maybe it shouldn’t. My new friend has a point. Log on to Pinterest and you can see how wonderful and blissful marriage is. Read facebook posts and you can see how amazing every marriage is and how extremely happy everyone is in their marriage. Wouldn’t it be funny if someone posted “I hate my husband and my marriage stinks but I’m here, I’m committed and I’m fighting through it”. EEKK! Then we would know the truth and our fantasy image of you would be shattered. Oh and the weddings. The perfect flowers, the perfect colors, the perfect food and the perfect pictures. News flash, that day is just a day and will not dictate what your marriage is going to be like. I was never the girl that dreamed of having a big fancy wedding. I never wanted to spend money on silly things like fancy food and party favors. If that is your thing I am not knocking it, it is really just not me. For me I just wanted to get to the point. Lets say “I do” and get this marriage going. I’ve been married twice, once in Las Vegas and once at the Justice Of The Peace downtown in the courthouse. Both of my weddings were perfect in my eyes. Neither one of those days had any affect on my marriages and I think that if I had spent money on a fancy wedding the results would have been the same. Both of the men that I married are wonderful men, amazing dads and my very best friends. Wouldn’t it be nice if instead of the generations above us pumping us up for a huge wedding day, they sat us down and told us the incredible struggles that we were going to face in the years to come. We are doing our sons and daughters a terrible disservice by not being up front with them on how hard marriage truly is. Don’t get me wrong, I love my husband. I know that God made him special for me. No matter what we have been through, and we have been through it all, I know that I am right where I am supposed to be. I think that many more marriages would survive if we got real and honest with our children at the appropriate age. My kids have never seen my husband and I so much as raise our voices at each other much less fight. My daughters also have never seen me and my exhusband argue, not even when we went through our divorce. We made it a point to show them that no matter what we loved each other and respected each other as their parents. I am not saying that we are perfect but we try our best to lead by example. I have plans to sit each one of them down long before they are old enough to even date and talk to them about the struggles of being in a relationship and the responsibilities that come with marriage. Marriage can be rough. Do you ever walk in the front door and want to physically attack your husband, possibly with a weapon in hand? I do. Not often, but I do. What about those nights when one of you is in the “mood” and the others not. There is a fine line when you reject physical intimacy in marriage, it can be very damaging. We talk to our kids about not having sex before marriage but do we ever tell them about sex in their marriage. It’s not like once you get married sex becomes easy, perfect, clean and wonderful all of the time. What about those days that you are resisting attacking your husband with a weapon? What happens to sex on those days? That whole headache thing wont get you far. What about airing out your frustrations about your spouse to friends or family. Watch out, they aren’t as easy to forgive and forget the flaws of your spouse as you are. Lets talk about cleaning up after another adult. I wouldn’t know anything about it by my husband would. He has major OCD and having an immaculate house is on the bottom of my list. I know that after a long day of cleaning up after me and the girls he wants to attack me with a weapon. Did anyone talk to him about his feelings towards me that he would have one those days? Can you imagine the fights Abraham and Sarah had. We seem to idealize biblical marriages. We picture Abraham and Sarah walking hand and hand reminding each other how much they love and respect each other. GAG! I bet they blamed each other for not being able to have children. Sarah probably fake slept many nights when Abraham came to bed and put his hand on her. When she finally got pregnant she was super old. I can only imagine how cranky she was during that pregnancy! Yes, they were wonderful and God adored them but they were still human and aren’t we all flawed. I think that we should tell our children how wonderful marriage can be and that it is truly a blessing from God but I also we think that we need to be honest and real with them so that they are equipped with the right tools to save their marriage when the devil tries to attack it. Let’s pray “Merciful Father, help us to find the right time and the right words to prepare our younger generation for what they will have to face in their marriages. Keep the devil out of our lives and our relationships. Give us the tools to be be honest about marriage so that we can be ready to handle the trials that come our way. In Jesus name, amen”. My husband is sleeping next to me as we speak. He has a slight snore going on combined with a weird whistle noise. Where’s my weapon!

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