Hard To Pray

I take sleeping pills. Well, not really. I take muscle relaxers because I grind my teeth at night and wake up with severe migraines. After my dad took his life I also started taking anxiety medicine. If you disagree with taking meds like this, I understand, I disagree with your yoga and herbal tea…give me a pill! I’m kidding of course. So back to the sleeping pills. By 9pm my husband and I are usually dead asleep. No we are not 80, we are in our 30’s but we put all of our kids in bed at 7 so that we can have at least 2 hours alone together, then my pills kick in and we are out. If I don’t take medicine I will lay in bed all night with a song in my head and my teeth grinding away. Have you figured out that I’m crazy yet? So, 9 o’clock rolled around last night and I came upon an unedited, no commercial showing of “The Passion Of The Christ”. I have not seen this movie since I was baptized and a true follower of God. There was no way that those pills were going to win over this movie. My husband also hasn’t seen this movie since he has become a follower of Christ. It was extremely hard to sit through. We both gasped out loud many times and I cried more than once. It’s just so hard to accept that Jesus went through all of that for me. For you. For your family. He did that for us. I know that the actor that plays Jesus is a beautiful man but I can guarantee that the real Jesus is so beautiful that it will probably hurt our eyes. In the movie He kept looking up at His mother who was following His every move. A woman went running to Him trying to give Him at least a sip of water. His skin was cut open by the many lashes He had received. His mouth was spitting blood and his head was crushing under the crown of thorns. People spit at Him. Cussed at Him. Accused Him. Laughed at Him. What did Jesus do in return? What would you have done. I would have said I was innocent. I would have folded and said “OK Ok I’m not the son of God”. Not Jesus. He took everything that they gave to Him. He picked up His cross and He carried it, bloody, weak, sick, tired and faint, He carried His cross. At the most brutal moment, when He was thrown to the ground and beaten again, He cried out “Father forgive them, they don’t know, they don’t know. ” Fear struck some of the men that were participating in the beating. They suddenly realized that this man that they were persecuting and beating had just prayed for them. Oh Crud! He just might be who He has said He was. If I was one of those men I would have bowed down and wiped the blood form Jesus feet. They didn’t. There was too much peer pressure around them. yes, peer pressure in Jesus time. Jesus didn’t fall in to what society wanted Him to be. He stood strong in His truth and His faith. Do we do that? I don’t. Not all the time. I wish that I did. I wish that I was strong enough to always set the best example for my girls and my husband but I know that I fall short more often than I would like to admit. Our sweet Jesus calmly accepted His beating, calmly carried His cross and then when He was finally nailed and hanging on the cross He prayed. He didn’t scream out at His accusers, He didn’t say that there will be hell to pay (literally). He prayed. Do you do that for your enemy? I have someone in my life that I despise. Yep, not very Christian of me, I know. I’m trying. The hardest thing that I do is to put her name on the prayer list each week at church. Its harder than when I pray for her each day. Its harder for me to write her name down on a piece of paper for other people to see and pray for her because I can control my prayers, I cant control how other people pray for her. I haven’t realized yet that it is completely out of my hands. Do you have someone in your life like that. Stop and remember what Jesus went through and what He did for the people who treated Him worse than anything that we have been through. He prayed for them. Are you strong enough to do that. I am…sometimes…every once in a while…not enough. Lets pray ” Sweet Heavenly Father, I cant imagine the sacrifice that You gave for us. How can we ever be good enough to be with You? Your son is beyond what we could ever hope to be but help us while we try to be more like Him and less like us. Please please help me to pray for the ones that hurt me and please help the people that I have hurt pray for me. Forgive me for not being who I could be. In Jesus name, Amen.” I think that I watched the last 30 minutes with only one eye open. It was 11pm! Way past my bedtime.

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