I was heartbroken the day my little sister was born. I don’t know if I was more mad or more sad but I know that I didn’t want anything to do with her. I was 23 years old. My dad was on his 5th marriage and already had 2 more little boys aside from my oldest brother and me. My little brothers were only 3 and 4 at that time and I didn’t have a relationship with them. It wasn’t about them, it was about the fact that my dad had not lifted a finger to help my oldest brother and I for years and years and here he was having more children that he wasn’t going to be able to take care of. I was jealous of a little infant girl. They named her Victoria and I pretended to hate that beautiful name. I pretended that I didn’t admire how beautiful she was and I truly hated that she was my dads little girl. I refused to look at her beautiful eyes that I saw myself in. I avoided them at all costs. My oldest daughter was born one year after my sister and I refused to let them bond. In my eyes we weren’t even related. My jealousy grew and grew for that little girl. Then one day my stepmother called, it was right after I had the triplets. She needed my help. Oh really, well lets just see what you want. My blood was already boiling. She told me that she had to leave my father…shocker, and that she needed my help with the custody hearing. I thought about my little siblings. What if when I was their age I had a sister old enough to help protect me. I agreed to meet with her at the court and testify against my father in the custody hearing. i was terrified. I met them in the parking lot and three angels ran to me and wrapped their arms around me. They were excited to see their big sister and I melted like butter. My sister has my eyes. My middle brother has my personality and my youngest/oldest (oldest out of the young set of Snell kids) has my sweet disposition…ok that’s a joke, I’m not sweet but he is a love bug. He’s also 18 now and would probably kill me if I called him love big. I kissed them on there heads and headed in to court to make sure they were not going to go through what my oldest brother and I did. My dad was defending himself,typical narcissist. He even had the guts to cross examine me on the stand. Not the smartest choice he’s ever made and the judge made the best decision we could have possibly asked for when it came to my little siblings. They slowly started becoming part of my everyday life. After my dads death is when we started getting my sister every weekend. She and my oldest daughter play on the same volleyball team and this past Saturday while I was watching them play and laugh together on the court my heart was heavy. On one hand I am so blessed that this little girl comes to me as often as possible and I get to watch her become a young lady. On the other hand my heart aches for all the years I missed being bitter and jealous of her. I missed snuggling with her as an infant, snuggling now turns in to major tickle matches. I missed out on seeing her start school, school plays, sports and everything else that came along with being a kid. But God works in mysterious ways and had been fixing my heart all along. He put that little girl in my life at the perfect time. My husband embraces her arrival every weekend and my girls jump with glee. I cant imagine a moment without her. I refuse to spend a single minute of my life ever being bitter,jealous or unforgiving. As soon as God showed me the gift of forgiveness is when the greatest gifts started pouring in. Is there something that you are holding on to ? A grudge, hate, bitterness, forgiveness? Its time to let it go and let God. We will never know the beauty that God has waiting for us until we surrender to Him. Do it today. Write it down, address it to a random person that you don’t know and don’t put a return address on it and send it off. No one could resist reading whats inside the mystery envelope and then at least you know some has “listened” to you let it go. Drop to your knees and cry out to Jesus, confess, humble yourself and give it to Him. Lets pray “God you know what is weighing heavy on my heart. I am going to give it to you today because I am not strong enough to carry it anymore. Open my heart to the wonderful things that you have in store for me. In Jesus name, Amen.” I love all three of my brothers but my sweet little sister holds a very special place in my heart. Now I just have to get through the teen years with her without moving her in to the dog house!

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